Jezebel: where people go to pick apart women’s bodies.

He and I are so alike in that respect. If it weren’t for my husband, I would border on animal hoarder.

Sorry, I’ll just be over here imagining Allen coming home to a house full of chickens “Allen, I just found out chickens are huggable!!”

Nope. She means well but it feels condescending.

“I am a pleasant human person. I have a likeable persona and I do nice things. I do not scream at police officers. I single out humble municipal workers as a totally natural and not at all calculated thing. I am definitely not counting the minutes till I can go home and bathe your plebian filth off of my body. I am so…

children are also starving in africa so i don't know what she is complaining about

Having a diverse diversity panel is just too obvious.

I'm still rooting for them.

Beat me to it.

I do not like to victim blame. BUT.

A team of analysts canvassed men "around the world"

Is de shoes.

Instantly thought of The Birdcage.

A) You're taking this entirely too personally.

Panda Express is both a) not really Chinese food, and b) way better than any Chinese food I've had since I moved to Pittsburgh. God, I miss the coasts.

She probably also thinks that goddamned dress is White and Gold.

i wish i had ts clearance. i friggin love secrets.

This is not—and was never—good parenting.

Well, at least everyone asking "is this shitty dad's week?" is getting theirs.