Shit, those first two whores have been used so much that Pat Sajak gives them to you for free during the Final Round.

Wow. That's some act. What's it called?

True story: The Beatles' "Dear Prudence" is about Mia Farrow's sister.

Back in 2001, while my wife and 10-year-old son went on a professionally-guided tour of the big house, I took our six-year-old daughter on a dad-guided tour of the outbuildings. Never too young to start healthy cynicism.

Well, everybody ought to have a maid.

Culture shock: I thought "ED" meant erectile dysfunction. But am I a guy, and a Boomer.

"Two days ago, you were, 'Oh, gosh, I burned the brownies!' Now, you go into a bar, ten minutes later, sailors come running out!"

"Die screaming, motherfucker!"

Chefs do that.

Saw this in a movie, only she was scamming two different guys so she could run off with a third one.

Next, you'll start getting emails from a 55-year-old Persian "man" who lives in "Southern" California.

According to the story, scientists believe that wild pandas have probably three partners per mating cycle, so that they are more likely to run into other pandas who are either more aggressive or more experienced.

They do use artificial insemination.

You could take an "airplane."

Make sure you commit a federal offense. Hate to say it, but many of the backstories on the show have the women committing offenses that probably would not land them at a federal correctional facility.

Looking at her signs, she sounds a bit like Sam Healy.

I'm still confident that there's time for Andie and me.

"Riding the Bus with My Sister," because the movie is an adaptation of a memoir that is an adaptation of my real-life family. I watched it with friends, pointing out places where it was correct, sort-of correct, and completely made-up. Ten years on, we still talk about that.

My gas station story, which is not creepy at all, goes like this. In the late '90's, some powerful guy in my town killed his mistress, who coincidentally was a low-level secretary for the governor. When they arrested the guy a month after she disappeared, his alibi was that he had taken her to dinner in a nearby big…

St. Ann's, represent!