I am predicting beards will be allowed by the end of 2018.

Adjacent subject: I bought some Dr. Pepper jelly beans the other day and as a person who enjoys super fancy desserts, I was eating them and decided to check the ingredients. There was fucking caffeine in them. Listen, I’m not eating fucking candy to get my energy jolt, I just wanted soda-flavored candy.

This reminds me of reading a biography of William Harvey (credited for showing that the blood circulates and that the heart pumps it). He was a an early (for an Englishman) enthusiast of coffee and would have parties at his house where guests would experience the strange wakeful sensations from it. It’s like caffeine…

What the fuck is it going to take to get white athletes to start taking the knee? Is their precious endorsements and money more important than basic fucking decency?

I love that he’s such a petty and small man, that he can be President and still be pissed that The NFL thought he wasn’t rich or good enough to own a franchise. They let actual criminals own them, but not him. It’s so very perfect.

I know everyone on the internet fancies themselves a constitutional lawyer and offers up steaming hot takes about censorship, but the president threatening you with the loss of your job because you expressed a political opinion is literally why there’s a first amendment.

I think we could combine the two: those white-supremacists just need to get hit harder. That will boost ratings!

I’m hoping for him to fall to his death from the top of the stairs of Air Force One!

We have a t-shirt cannon for a president.

I used to weld in a huge factory. The building I worked in was the last one in the whole facility that didn’t have air conditioning. I used to bring a six pack of La Croix and water it down with a shit ton of ice from the ice machine in the next building. Yeah, the air conditioned building also had the ice machine.…

“We will bring carnage to Canivale! So huge!”

Violent white supremacist rally? Some of them are very fine people. Black athlete kneels during the national anthem? Fire the son of a bitch.

Yeah, I’ve said this before, but Rocket Man is a badass nickname. If somebody called you “Rocket Man,” would you take it as insult? No, nobody would. I guess it’s more creative than Trump’s usual nicknames, which are just putting adjectives in front of people’s names.

When the emperor demands more blood in the arena you gotta put out. By the Super Bowl we may have lions on the field to spice things up.

Go with what you know.

That’s okay, a couple Russian hookers can pee off any shit that sticks to him.

Listen libtard, shit is the best shoe polish there is. Trump is just far smarter than you and your benghazi emails.

Trump is pro brain damage, what a surprise.

I know it’s been said a lot but it should always be repeated.

He says football isn’t violent enough the day after Aaron Hernandez’s CTE scan shows he was one level away from dementia. He just steps in shit over and over and over....