I’m still not sure who could fuck the country up more, a competent theocrat or an incompetent sociopath.

Question 62 on the application form asks you to upload a picture of yourself.

....What the what?

You are correct.

My morning show was also cancelled. “Dickon Manwoody Today” got higher ratings!

If you can watch this without wanting to kill yourself I applaud you.

How about this one: My wife will go lawful evil the first time around, but then, rather than untie the knot, she’ll just chew through the plastic like a goddamn rodent, thus leaving a giant hole in the bag that cannot be covered. Is there room for a terrorist option in this matrix?

“More trouble than it’s worth”? You’re missing the best part of owning bread! It’s when you hold the bag by the opening, then lightly slap the loaf so it spins around and around, thus creating a tight, plastic coil at the top, over which you can easily fit the plastic tab. Nothing could be simpler, and it’s tremendous…

Except that at any give time you may have a half-dozen bags of unconsumed bread heels in your pantry.

I bought a bread box when I got my first apartment. First loaf got moldy in a week. Tried the fridge, bread lasted more than a month. Threw out the bread box.

Props to Sam if he actually finishes it.

It will become a bestselling set of books and then HBO will offer him a series.

The lamestream media is working hard to discredit the theory. How … convenient.

KID: What are you listening to?

Spoiler alert?

[FARTS TO DISPROVE EVOLUTION]

A Charles Pierce quote about a different set of nimrods, but even more applicable here:

That’s a whole lot of hair bleach and jowls assembled in one place.

Paint a white stripe down the back of the feral cat. The skunk will mistake it for a lady skunk and fall madly in love with it. It will hop daintily toward and cat and begin kissing its arm. While the skunk is distracted, club it with a shovel.  

It’s like Netflix’s ‘The Defenders’ of right-wing arseholes. Here’s hoping Elektra shows up and decapitates the whole bunch.

Where’s Kirk Cameron? Don’t tell me he was left behind again.