How does one write a whole ode to the Joe and NOT mention its freaking boards seemingly made out of trampoline material??? Both of my favorite teams (Avs and Blackhawks) have been hardcore rivals of Detroit at one time or another, but games at the Joe always had that extra element of unpredictability because of those…

5 seconds to see the ball come off the bat, decide where it is going, start running, and get there before the ball lands? Yes, that’s good.

And for just a second, she was queen. All of her troubles forgotten. Life felt better, filled with purpose. No matter that soon she would be walking out of that stadium and back into the cold reality of living in Pittsburgh, she would forever have this moment. The girls at the end of the Heinz Cocktail Sauce…

Look, just because I’m being silent doesn’t mean I’m being silent. It just means I’m being. Silently.

MAKE DEADSPIN GREAT AGAIN!

“Textbook”

Is 2017 the year Deadspin writes nice articles about the Cardinals or something? I do not like this new Deadspin.

This girl gets so many free passes and kudos simply because she is attractive. She’s an unethical businesswoman advising an unethical president. He’s using her as a shield while he pulls of his anti-woman antics.

*writes up business plan for Black Truffles Matter Café*

“protest is the new brunch”

Sometimes when I see ridiculous commercials, I try to imagine what that pitch meeting must have been like, and I feel like the phrase “protest is the new brunch” was uttered in this one.

Sessions had also criticized what he called the DOJ’s “anecdotal” conclusions that both the Chicago and Baltimore police departments systematically violated citizens’ constitutional rights—though he also admitted that he had not actually read the reports about the two cities.

Werner Ladders: For when you’re finished scrawling “Brooks Was Here” into the rafters!

I spent my entire weekend calling in rules violations to the LPGA, so it was nice being able to take this game off. Good job refs.

These UNC players deserve a break from school. They should give the kids who write their papers the week off.

Let me do the math for you.

Someone should throw a pizza at that dude’s head

ETA everyone should laugh like Don Orsillo laughs in this

*eyeroll* This tired schtick?

Stick a sock in it. People hated Hillary long before they knew who Bernie Sanders was.