Just the Flyers, because Kate Smith’s version helped them win a cup 42 years ago. It’s been good luck ever since!

I’m a Colts season ticket holder and this year there’s a couple who sits behind me at every game, and they obsess over which players aren’t standing for the anthem. Usually during the anthem. Yes, they talk during the whole anthem about how disrespectful it is to sit during the anthem.

At least they all probably stand for the national anthem though.

I am personally opposed to the death penalty.

No puppet! No puppet! You’re the puppet!

Isn’t the whole point that everyone asks him something?

A real American would know that.

Anyway, if I’m putting any antlers on the table, they’re gonna be real. None of these poseur antlers for me. I’m taking down Bambi’s mom and then making her head the centerpiece of my turkey dinner.

As an official White Person From Connecticut™, I can brook much of this ribbing in good humor. My tartans and cakes and mug toppers will survive this onslaught of Magaryisms. My holiday good cheer will continue apace and my cup will runneth over with nasty-ass truffle oils while I listen to the Non-specific Winter…

They’re yet another sign of Russia’s infiltration and perversion of American values.

Can anyone explain the sudden explosion of Mule drinks? I swear I never heard of anyone really drinking them, just kind of admiring the copper mugs for most of my life. But now they’re everywhere. A specialty Moscow Mule bar has even opened up here. Are Mules just a fad destined to peter out due to their own…

No thanks. I’m buying this $85 rock from Nordstroms with which I will hit myself repeatedly to unconsciousness until 2020.

Dear Ina,

“Yet another Whyte man attacked by a black man. Sad!”

unfortunate mic placement

No. I’ve also been waiting for this.

Is it sad that I want him to actually say, “you’re fired”?

This idiotic dipshit epitome of privilege was just weeks away from a White House gig that would have probably set him up for life (not that he isn’t already set up for life), and the only thing that stopped him was stepping on his own dick on Twitter.

“Good news, Ms. Tequila, your security clearance has been approved!”

Here’s an idea...