SO this isn’t the story(stories) I want to tell, but it’s still pretty good and it won’t doxx me. Myself, my ex-spouse, and a few friends go on a camping/punk rock show weekend downstate on a farm. We set up the tents in a corner of the yard not too far from the cornfield. At the edge of the cornfield is a small…

Innocuous fact: My grandma kept a baggie full of drinking straws, napkins and supermarket produce bags in the glovebox of my grandpa’s Oldsmobile for kiddo soda drinking occasions and such (bag was for trash, natch).

Ha, I can only imagine the wrath the glowstick/shoelace brought about.

The movie “Lars and The Real Girl” addresses this in a way. Ryan Gosling’s character dates a real doll named Bianca who is NOT a sex doll (she’s a missionary and wants to wait until marriage) as a coping mechanism to deal with his anxiety. It’s a cute movie, with his entire family and town making Bianca feel welcome…

I just saw a documentary on Vice about such dolls for women. Not gonna lie, I find the idea pretty enticing. Not for sex but for having humanlike companionship without having to have an actual human around. As a very socially awkward lady with a lot of issues, the idea of a companion doll man(a robot would be better…

HOBO CAMP! hobo camp?

I’m shocked that SWC wasn’t/isn’t more popular and well-loved. I have the whole series on DVD and re-watch episodes randomly on a regular basis.

Amy Sedaris is the coolest. Strangers with Candy was hilarious. Her entertaining book makes me giggle. Even those dumb Downy Unstoppables commercials are delightful because of her.

Nick Cave & Polly Jean Harvey, “Henry Lee”

I sit in a freezing cold, smelly dojo for 2 hours 3 evenings a week, watching my 11 year-old daughter spar and train and take down people easily twice her size. Her Sensei says that watching her is fascinating, because she becomes a different person when she steps onto the mat. Normally, she’s a bubbly, sweet, chatty,…

“So I get my coffee and then try to hand her the $5 and she says they cannot take tips at a Target Starbucks, so... I was like, “Well, you have a good day, I know you are working hard and thank you.” The other barista working says something about, “What was that about?” and as I’m pushing my cart away the barista I…

What even? Why did he think she’d care if the world thought she was short? Why is being short a bad thing? Every time another bizarre anecdote comes out about this guy I can’t help but think he’s literally an 80s high school comedy villain.

My brother poured two full bottles of my Pop Pop’s Mylanta down a bathtub drain, because he was mad at him for changing the channel on the TV or something, then denied all knowledge of it. He was like 8 and my dad had these big dramatic talks with each of us separately, mine starting with “now I know YOU didn’t do…

My lie cost me thousands.

I know that shame - the moment you figure out what you did was horrifically stupid and you would rather suffer forever than tell an adult what you did. I once touched the car lighter when it was hot because it looked pretty, all glowy and orange, and then had to sit through vacation bible school with a serious burn on…

It was second grade and we would get weekly progress reports that our parents had to sign every Friday and we would have to return them Monday. Every week I would get a smiley face for overall behavior and I was a little too proud of this. Until the week I was giggling at a joke during class my classmate told me in a…

I don’t know if I was ever technically caught, because no one called me on my shit, but I did get lots of side-eye when I claimed in elementary school that I had every Ninja Turtle action figure ever, but they were “in the attic” and my parents “wouldn’t let me up there” to get them. It took me a year to save up…

I love ‘Cher’ and Cher. Also Cher Horowitz, but that’s for another time.