Is this a joke review? Can we get a review from a grown up like Jason ? Oh wait he'll make it all about crunch.

Did you try any of the other locomotion settings? Seems like you didn’t have a great time with teleportation, and that I expected because it just does not seem right for a game like this, but that’s also why they implemented smooth locomotion so you can actually move around the level without teleporting, warping, or…

With chunks breaking off our polar caps, you may be able to try this yourself, in the not-too-distant future.

Why in godz name would you not put the code for this level in the text of your article?

lol naw, I liked his character and thought it was a pretty realistic portrayal of a guy whose daughter died years ago and suddenly found himself having to take care of a teenage girl.  Especially a guy who grew up in the ‘50s and was seemingly in Nam.

I now want this parenthetical to be a monologue in ST4.

Yeah I respectfully disagree with this completely. I found Hopper’s behavior to be a new father who would have struggled with a teenage daughter (as many do IRL) in even the best of circumstances, and their circumstances are hardly ideal.

See I recognized that people kept getting saved at the last possible minute and I loved it every time. It’s weird but usually something like that would bother me but here I just went along with it and found it satisfying. It definitely happened a ton, though, and I get why it’d bother people.

This sizzling hot take brought to you by someone who’s never had a smug little teenage shit disrespect him in his own home. I’ve banned one of my son’s friends from my house for a year for lying to my face about washing his hands after he used the bathroom (I can hear the bathroom sink from the kitchen you little…

Maybe so but Mario Bros. was the first, it was the pioneer.  Don’t get me wrong I love that movie, but it’s an awful movie that has essentially NOTHING to do with the game outside of some names.  This Sonic movie seems to be about the same.  If I remember, the whole point of the early games was rescuing his animal…

Sonic is such a thematically incoherent concept in the first place that it’s a terrible idea to even try to turn him into a narrative-driven film, but if you did have to do it, you should at least avoid the Super Mario Bros mistake of grounding it on Earth. The concept is totally nuts, so you may as well go balls out…

The only thing I liked at all in that trailer were the rings in the Paramount logo.

These movies cost millions and millions of dollars to even plan. Who did they test this with? What test audience saw this and thought “yeah, looks great!”

I only made it 62 seconds in...as soon as Jim Carey spoke and was just his usual Jim Carey self, I turned it off. (I’m sorry, but he’s mostly pretty terrible). Although I should have just stopped when Gangstas Paradise started playing, because what a “wrong place, wrong time” use of that song (and that’s not a slam…

(io9 fantastic 4 review:)

I thought the Happy Meal Box with teeth was scary. This just said “Hold my beer”.

The teeth are NOT OKAY.  

The fucking teeth. THE TEETH.

Oh wow, I’m actually genuinely curious about this movie now.

I was an NES/SNES kid in the 80s/90s, but even as someone who remembers this commercial, Sonic doesn’t deserve this (honestly, “Danny Reads Sonic Fanfic” is a kinder fate than what this film is doing to the little guy):