This is how my dad does it and how I plan on approaching it. Works fine. Obviously it's best if you have a permanent 5 o'clock shadow like Jason Statham, but it definitely works.

I mean, I think that makes some sense.

Once again, I'm reporting on how Teti did versus 538's ELO predictions. Many of you pointed out the flaws in using ELO as a predictive tool, since it doesn't take into considerations like, say, injuries to QBs, and pointed out that this should make it easy for Teti. And in Week 1, sure enough, he triumphed, making 5…

Dredd's kind of worked, although I thought bringing in the other Judges rather than having a persistently dangerous group of heavies already in the tower was a little lazy.

It's pretty bad, I'll admit. Donald Trump was chosen as a nominee for President in this one.

I was really expecting a blowout, especially because this was a historically close set of games last week. I'm curious what would happen if I ran last year's numbers.

I am drawing these results from an alternate timeline in which Teti is not a perfect prediction machine and is instead just making things up.

After last week, I wanted to see who was better at picking teams, John Teti, or 538's math nerds. So I recorded their predictions and compared outcomes.

It sounds like it's probably all of those combined. Anus Physics sounds like a real difficult science to make work.

Did he do that? It sounds like he gave the reason he wasn't standing. He's German, but many Americans also disagree with US foreign policy. Plus, you know, as a foreigner, US foreign policy is probably pretty important to him.

I'm kind of curious to see what Affleck would do if someone showed him The Friends of Eddie Coyle

He's not from Germany circa 1939, is he?

I mean, wait, that's right, isn't it? To him, it's just a meaningless song. You don't click your heels and stand to attention when they play Deutschlandlied at the World Cup, do you?

Can't wait to see what you're going to get up to next, John!

Maybe, but you're breaking up, and regardless, you're not responsible for saving her, she's responsible for saving herself. You also might be the wrong messenger for it. I would make your breakup speech very much about your needs and how they weren't met, and less about her. She'll either have the perspective to infer…

I mean, there's really no way to have known, in the same way that swingers or BDSM fetishists are largely invisible outside the bedroom. The difference here, of course, is that these sexual desires existed entirely as exploitative and harmful acts, but the bedroom door of anyone's life is usually closed to anyone not…

Yeah. The Cialis commercials are usually a man and a woman giving each other knowing looks while the narrator describes the dangers of a 4 hour+ erection, then ends with them sitting in separate bathtubs holding hands in the middle of nowhere.

Does your back hurt from lugging those bathtubs out into the fields and beaches, though?

I mean, honestly, I know it sucks in the here and now, but it seems like separating is going to do you both a world of good. You'll remove at least one source of stress from her life, and you'll remove the resentment you feel at being a source of stress for someone you're into.

Anus Physics 101 didn't like Activist Boi's khakis, right?