I feel like every advice columnist has answered SPOUSE's question a bazillion fucking times. They are rarely as trite as "we have 3 kids, great, regular, sex, and my husband watches porn" though. There's usually some other stress on the marriage's sex calendar than that.

I'm not sure how they're even in a relationship to start with, given that it seems like she's done everything she can to torpedo it including: sleeping with other people without his knowledge, failing to meet his sexual needs, and, oh, you know, saying she didn't want to be in a relationship with him. How'd that even…

One of the erotic artists I follow on tumblr is making an adult adult coloring booking. I don't think he's got the world's greatest style, but it's certainly not photography traces. It's about elves bangin'. I've seen all of three pages, so it's probably a year or two off.

My girlfriend and I took the mojo upgrade test, and there were not any real surprises at all in there for us, but it did solidify that she wants a) to have sex with women and b) see me have more sex with women (other than her) and possibly have group sex. We have joked, idly, in the same way we've joked about…

Didn't they already screw this movie up by remaking it?

How about "Why Your TV Show Sucks"

Wait, the height thing was extremely well known prior to the advent of Tinder, wasn't it? Like, men in personals would routinely exaggerate their actual height. I could guess that they probably weren't as aware of the problem since they probably got to know women better from their personal lives before dating them…

Well, okay, many people can't afford $400 in emergency spending, and I think you have to ask yourself if you're a person who can. Because, if you have to convince your wife to drop $400 on your Rosebud, you're probably just not quite there to say that you've entered the land of plenty. Even Kane couldn't afford his…

A good way to remain spontaneous is to ask before you're all naked, such as when you're just chatting or cuddling on the couch or something. Then, the next time, when you haul them out of the living room and throw them on the bed and rip their clothes off, you can deliver the spontaneity they like with the confidence…

My experience is limited to a handful of people, but early relationship sex is usually grabby but not terribly exciting, since neither person knows their partner's limits and wants. That takes a couple of months to get to. I'm not saying you can't hit a plateau, but experimenting is certainly easier when the person…

On the other hand, Drew Magary and Nathan Rabin in a room together doing a video review of something would be enjoyable.

Your subconscious is not subtle.

I thought it was "I should be able to get the HPV vaccine, right?"

I did that too! It was the worst.

I had a dream where my girlfriend broke up with me and I started to adjust to life without her and my entire family was giving me "helpful" comments on how "next time you shouldn't do this or that or the other thing" and really just not helpful shit at all that just opened the wound deeper. Then I was going to send…

If a straight gentleman believes there is such a thing as a "too tall" woman, then they are fools (or have a petite fetish, which is valid, but that's about it).

If you pay me a small retainer, I'll turn off the lights and attack you with a handkerchief doused in chloroform each night.

"When you're directing The Gang, you want to give Charlie Day as much chance to sing as possible—which is why I think you should hire a sex worker."

"Is that how you get sex workers, Dan?"

There's a ton of study that suggests people actually don't win arguments (which is too bad, because I love arguments), but rather, both sides dig themselves in further and become further (unreasonably) convinced of their own beliefs. Passive observers can become convinced, but the act of actually being in an argument…