no one here cares, dude. appreciate it and move on, or maybe even go to that Other part of the internet where there are boobs a-plenty, maybe?

Convinced a creepy guy hitting on me that I was, in fact, a man in drag. Bonus points when I threatened to dickslap him, my best girl puts her arms around me and kisses my cheek and says, “no, that’s just for me to see.” Icing on the cake.

I worked at a bakery where we were required to wear name tags. Our snarky manager thought it was lame so he had a drawer full of randomly labeled tags which we would choose from. I tried to always be Francois.

Y’all, I have a bit of a doozy.

The year or two before I turned 21 was the best time I ever had pretending to be someone else.

Not me but my girlfriend. Apparently some rather popular teenager used to have my gf’s number, or currently has a number very similar, and she get’s texts and what not from strange teens a lot. So she was once invited to the group chat of a bunch of girls discussing the team name and design for the t-shirt for their…

So about ten years ago when my son was around 13 we had to go to Lowe’s for about the tenth time in two weeks – this time for paint for the bathroom. As we walked in, knowing my son’s commitment to a role, smarts, and incredible precocity, I told him the plan that had just occurred to me. He agreed.

I could totally geek out and tell you about my characters from my D&D games, but I’ve got a better one.

One time a man asked me when my baby was due. I was wearing an ill fitting dress, but I was not pregnant. Rather than embarrass the entire world, I just told him I was due in September. Wait is this the best time or the worst time?

When I was in high school, I went to see This Is Spinal Tap in the theater with a metalhead girlfriend who really didn’t get why I was laughing so hard. That it seemed like a fairly straightforward movie to her tells you a lot about much drugs and alcohol she consumed. Whereas while everyone at school assumed I did…

Back in the day, I was often told that with my big 80s perm-curly red hair and similar features that I bore a resemblance to Tawny Kitaen from the Whitesnake video. So one night some girlfriends and I were out at a club and these guys were buying us drinks because they had somehow been led to believe that I was the…

When I was about 13, I pretended to be a soon to be mother on a baby name message board. I really liked baby names at the time (girl names only, der), carefully maintaining lists for all my future children. This was back around 2001 so it was a very primitive message boards, but I was extremely active, becoming a top…

Pic of me as Jennifer Lopez:

When I was nine I pretended that I was twins. I only ever told that lie to a girl who came every now and then to visit her grandparents a few houses down, caddy corner to mine. When I was me, I was my usual tomboy self. But when I was the twin, I was a girly girl and wore the only dress I owned that wasn’t one of…

I went to England with my sister in the early 90s, or you, know when the world still loved Americans. My sister had really long brown hair and was tall and skinny, and had a passing resemblance to Alanis Morrisette. As soon as we got off the fucking plane, people were FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. OMG is that Alanis??? So we…

I pretended to be straight for 20 years. Does that count?

Nah there’s this fashion thing where you push bracelets way up your arm to show off how skinny you are, that your forearm is as skinny as a wrist. This is just the poorly-thought-out leg version of that.

Unless the keyhole back is...? Rompers are for babies after all.

toothbrush holder looks like an anatomical heart