I used to live in DC. This is how I knew that douche:

>There’s a poem I’d like you to read. It’s called “Footprints in the Sand.” Oh, you’ve heard of it?

>The issue, it sounds like, is that Ivanka herself didn’t need maternity leave, and so seemed not to understand why other people might:

I LOVE YOU.

>I’m no lawyer (could you imagine?)

They ARE paying her — in exposure! /s

DID SOMEONE SAY ALEXIS MORELL CARRINGTON COLBY DEXTER ROWAN?

Hats? No. TURBANS.

I also knew that the Silver Cross was real; it was on Lil Kim’s baby registry.

$18k/year, at approximately $1,500 per month in the Midwest. And the kid has a late fall birthday, so we get to tack on an extra year because he will start public school when he is almost six years old!

In good news, we know what it’s like to live with a massive expense every month, so when he starts kindergarten, Mr.…

>There’s no information on if the woman was allowed to keep her package or continue her pursuit of justice.

>Our source says Lindsay had access to Egor’s credit card, and she used it often to snatch up gifts for herself and her entire fam.

I also went to a college with a low interest in athletics. They were extra curricular, the way that they should be in the pursuit of higher education. I know football practice had to be scheduled around players having to TA science labs.

Our library scandal was that we named the library after a past college president…

>just outside Valentino’s on Fifth Avenue.

a block and a half from Trump Tower, too!

>like Paula Abdul and 2 Live Crew

Wut. I mean, like this?

BURKINIS 4EVA!