Couldn't help but think of this:

Jim Schwartz responds to malicious tweets by throwing a chair, walking to the tweeter in a rage and pointing at him in the most poignant way possible.

Nope.

Not seen: the murder.

I call bullshit. This is probably some ploy by Wayne "Big Guns" LaPierre to trace violence back to video games. Just more ammo for the NRA. Likewise, I'm sure Bob Costas and Keith Olbermann will rant about how American society has failed and that a culture of violence is taking over with nobody willing to stand up to…

"Angels Successful in Attempt to Distract Media Outlets from Terrible Play"

Impressive, though the folks over at Bristol have been known to burn through quite a bit of rubber on a wild night.

The opposing coach probably looked at him the wrong way.

No, they're just playing the Vikings.

Sayers wasn't available for comment, as he couldn't remember the case being filed.

A pompous, overpaid, and vain white guy engaging in a futile attempt to try and gain more exposure to and support from the U.S.?

I bet he's so pissed at people for making fun of him for being a punter that...

To be fair, the attendance rate at U of MN games ensures that nobody will be running on the field in her absence.

It may have ended poorly and embarrassing, but it's no Butt-fumble. Let's get that part straight.

" To be fair, though, Redskins have been causing permanent damage to people's skulls with sharp blades for thousands of years. No punishment needed."

"Moreover, Major League Baseball has a culture of offending historically honorable groups by using team nicknamed that unfairly evoke memories of horrible atrocities and violations against our most innocent members of society.

Doesn't help that their logo looks like a nuclear bomb.

Click here for a joint statement from Texas A&M and the NCAA regarding Johnny Manziel allegations.

30 minutes, or as they refer to it in the Manziel household: 2 cockfights.

On a related note, the owner of Kansas City-based grocery store "Whitlock's" is quite content with the name of his store.