Jesus is a myth. Ba’al is totally real. I got an Xbox for Ba’aalmas last year.

Tremendous human being. She’s so good at being human your head will spin.

New Yorkers are WONDERFUL. Tourists are jerks.

I haven’t been, and honestly I don’t know if I ever will. There’s a lot of reasons I think I’d find it distressing, and the selfie thing is certainly one of them.

I once saw a couple of tourists ask a cop in a subway station which train to take to get to Times Square. he pointed at a train and said “take this one two stops.” the problem? we were standing in the Times Square station. he was pointing at the shuttle train that goes between Times Square and Grand Central.

Mentioning the 9/11 gift shop always makes me think of this.

The designated hitter.

Giant pasties are really fashionable now. I blame Miley Cyrus cuz she made normal nipples so boring that celebs have to kick it up a notch. Johnny Depp is gonna walk the red carpet is a flaming merkin at his next premier I hear.

Yeah. And not conventionally funny, but like, “If a plant is sad, do the other plants photoSYMPATHIZE with it?” funny. Corny, science-y, stupid nerd humor turns me on. I can’t explain it.

I love nerds. I always have. I remember being the one cheerleader in HS who was hot for the valedictorian. I’m no dummy, but I faked not understanding chemistry so I could get tutoring sessions. Sigh. Those were the days.

People shouldn’t be paying a lot of money to watch guys stand around.

You realize this is a joke. He’s hated answering this question from day one and now 3 years in, he’s just saying whatever comes to his mind.

You’re no wizard! You’re no wizard at all.

The disturbing thing is that those are actually Rob Ryan’s feet.

Blake noted that while he hadn't stolen anyone's personal information, he easily could have done so while playing tennis. "Especially right before a serve," he explained. "Sometimes it gets so quiet you can hear a PIN drop."

Actually more Hee-Haw than Deliverance

Hell, I’m from the backwoods of Kentucky. Most backwoods folks are decent enough — may not be sophisticated, but they at least take a little pride in themselves. Not these two. No way. And these folks are not even close to the backwoods, tho they seem to be playing it to the bone. These two are shameless. Hoping to…

It’s the eye of the martyr
It’s the thrill of the Right
Rising up to the challenge of our (Supreme Court) trial
And the last known dissenter
Thinks Jesus supports her plight
And she’s watching us all with the eyeeeeeeeeeee ... of the martyr

I don’t have one, I promise. Who do you think I am, Jon hamm?

Will, in the 10 years Deadspin has been in existence, you’ve covered some amazing stories, seen countless changes in both the media landscape and the sports you cover. There has been a recession and a housing market crash. The first African American President of the United States was elected. One Direction was formed…