She would be at my dream dinner table, for sure!

That makes sense.

When I find a dog in the street I try first to find the owner. I put up flyers, check Craigslist, and post there. Back in ye olden days when people used the want ads in the papers I would put a Found ad in the paper. Then I take the dog to the local shelter and have it scanned for a microchip and file a Found Dog…

When has ‘young man found dead on property of internationally famous actor’ ever NOT been news?

Give my dog 20 minutes and that passenger seat will be licked so clean, it’ll be better than new.

I bought a pair of $300 prescription sunglasses once. Took less than 3 months to lose them. I now swear by the $16 Target rack. Cute AND sturdy. I can’t see, but I can’t tell if that’s my eyes or the scratches that inevitably cover them a week later. I had a hard case. My dog ate it. I tried soft cases. My son stepped…

Naming a snail after someone is literally the most romantic thing I have ever heard of, and I may love your grandparents now. My boyfriend and I have a similar competition going to be the first to find a new species and name it after the other. That boy is gonna be forever enshrined in an index of Silurian sponges, or…

About to kick off a three day weekend with my boyfriend and his assorted family by scraping some more of these 30-million-year-old, agatized snail fossils out of clay and then nabbing yummy Thai food.

Just let us know if you suddenly develop the urge to raise six-toed cats.

I wonder what they call people who get so sleepy after a beer or two that having one at lunch becomes an impossibility.

It is why they changed Battenberg to Mountbatten.

I get the same reaction, but then I’m a hairy, deranged, obese middle-aged man.

Yes. What I meant by distancing theirselves from their German relations and ancestry. They changed their family name, stripped family members of their British titles, basically did whatever they had to do to cut their German ties. Long before Hitler and the Nazis.

And this is why thick brows need to stay in style 4evs.

*Lays down aces and eights, sighs*

I’m actually crying rn

I really have to stop reading this thread or I’m genuinely going to hurt myself laughing.

GOD I hope this was an autocorrect because someone constantly is writing “investifarted”

I thought he’d be used to a hotbox by now

Yep, they can’t stop running, except when you want them to hurry. Then then they go into slo-mo.