4. “Sit.”

15. Did you brush your teeth? No? Go do that.

As the parent of a kid with both what Mike Mayock would call a “high motor” AND ADHD, this list is invalid unless #1-7 are all “Slow down”

Best. Article. Ever.

“eat your dinner”

“INSIDE VOICES! You don’t have to yell. ___ is sitting right next to you.”

15. “Eat your food”

Go look for *thing* in your room.

That transition is much more fun than you’d expect.

- Get back in bed.

This article is fact.

“None of you have ever cried because you listened to me first”.

It sucks rancid donkey scrotum and is the best thing in the whole world. It’s a constant contradiction. It’s worthwhile, but drains the simplicity and calm out of your life. Forever.

“And then in 8th grade we won the league title again...”

I did, fuckhead.

i choose to believe you are the woman in your avatar, and have decided this has made my day.

They should have gone simpler. Instead of a gyro chip, they could have done a tziziki chip. Instead of a reuben chip, they could have done Distilled Human Suffering.

It wasn’t Woody Allen. It was Steve Allen. Making Woody both a pedo AND unoriginal.

1422 homeruns in one photo. I expect we’ll be getting a vine of Henry Aaron getting Dutch Oven’d by Sadaharu Oh to keep up.