Bye Bye Canadian guy

Thank you! That’s how I feel about writing press releases too. If I don’t hate myself a little bit when I’m done, I haven’t given it my all.

10 years, $275million. The Dodgers inquired about a trade, but Amaro wants Gonzalez, Pederson, Puig, Kershaw, Greinke, and the hot dog concession at Chavez Ravine.

When asked why she’d become a Mariners fan she said that, as a young girl, her favourite baseball player in the whole world had been Jamie Moyer.

I like bees, so I am okay with this. I would absolutely vote for someone who ran an anti-wasp campaign, though.

I would assume it’s a focus group gathered by a third party polling consultant. The voters don’t know who covened them—only that they’re walking away with a $100 check after one or two hours from someone with a name like “Consumer Opinions.”

I’ve looked into this case as a film historian and really doubt it was the proprietor did it & that he’d still have them, as the police have been targeting the investigation as an inside job from the start. I think it was somebody with a lesser tie to the museum and that they had an overseas buyer lined up. A lot of…

They also considered instituting a ban on hitting women, but they didn't want to go overboard.

I think Serena is sexy as hell. (I’m 36, straight, white male)

As a philly fan, I can only applaud that observation. And the Phillies will most likely sign this kid before the end of the night.

That kid probably got closer to sliding safely into home than the Phillies will tonight against Bumgarner.

Today I learned there’s an Alaska Baseball League. #TheMoreJuneau

In an even more shocking turn of events, Governor Haley inserted a rider mandating that an ISIS dildo flag be raised in its place.

“We need more white people to talk about the name ‘Redskins’” Rupert murmured quietly on his 2pm poop break. “Let’s get a guy known for saying really dumb things on TV with no filter!” replied his toilet paper maid Greta Van Susteren. “Crikey! That’s some high quality neeeewwwwwssss!” Rupert yelled as his corn filled…

Holy HIPAA violation Batman! I know in this day and age we expect to have all information available to us at all times, but tweeting someone’s medical records is pretty serious shit (assuming this is legit). God help the person who did that if the metadata in the file can lead back to them and the hospital is probably…

This had me rolling. My Dad was the king of getting us up at 7am to go garage sale hunting which would almost always devolve into random dumpster diving behind say a Kmart.

1. Winery Tours

God, those Snap-On calendars. I have distinct memories of my dad walking me through a friend’s garage, his hand gripping my head like it was a lumpy basketball, forcibly turning it away from the more risque calendars.

Man, this takes me back.

Oh glob, those Snap-On calendars were THE BEST.