I watch things on my Android phone all the time. Among the more ludicrous ones: the film “Gravity,” and the “Planet Earth 2" documentary.

wtf is Moonlight lol

So I have to load this in Internet Explorer, because I have my Gawker burner account saved in my Chrome settings... and I have to say, this isn’t just borderline unusable in IE; this site is literally unusable in IE.

Seriously, this is all clown shoes.

LOLOLOLOLOL Fuck literally all of this.

Speak for yourself; I've got a ten year supply of it hoarded in my storage unit.

They also make REALLY loud bangs when you do pop them.

… At The Stars, Good, King of New Orleans, Desperately Wanting, Beautiful Mistake, Rosealia, and, yes, In the Blood.

Fucking Doctor Jeckyl. That's her term for "furiously masturbating right behind you."

Or, it can be something you do, repeatedly, because even bad sex validates your existence in that the fact that you can convince someone to have sex with you means that you are not entirely without merit as a human being. Like, if you're me, say.

Boooooooooooo. Why are people awful?

I honestly am having a hard time understanding how he could have gotten engaged to her in the first place. What kind of suicidal self-loathing could have led to that decision? I mean, I am not one known for good judgment and sound decision making, but even I am at a fucking loss here.

Because he's awesome?

According to Ted 2, you rectify that by singing At This Moment by Billy & The Beaters.

Be careful not to freeze to death.

Ok, first off, FUCK YOU THIRD EYE BLIND RULES.

I actually don't know anybody who's openly, unrepentantly racist. As the saying goes, everybody's a little bit racist, but I think that living in a place where there is no ethnic plurality kind of prevents you from developing any deep-seated racial hatreds.

Funny, the advice I always got when I was a kid was "if you tell anybody about this I will fucking kill you."

In the most boring way imaginable?

I was on a date with a girl the other day where I had to actually balance the scales of "is she attractive enough to outweigh the fact that she's spent at least 10% of our conversation time talking about how much she likes Fifty Shades of Grey?" Survey says NO.