Awww yeahhhhhh TAFT PUNK.

But aren't they all responsible? Aren't we all responsible?

Figure this will be needed:

The literal quote from one gin-besotted and awful night many years hence was "Christmas trees and sadness" with much slurring.

I'm not aware of Douglas ever stating that Zeta-Jones was the source of his HPV exposure. Rather, he said that his cancer was caused by HPV and everybody in the gossip media put on their bitchy pants and went "Ooooo, burn on his wife!" because needed to find a way to capitalize on a celebrity's medical tragedy.
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Attention commenters: this piece is not about white women stealing braids from black women because black women had them first. It's about the NYT writer being an idiot and subbing "white women" in for "all women." You are still allowed to braid your hair.

This dude's recurring night terror:

This is from a handful of seasons ago. There's an exotic animal smuggling ring. Stabler goes undercover. And yes. It's a monkey climbing out of a basketball because that's how they get it through customs at the airport! It's an amazing episode!

This. I was looking for this answer. The ONLY thing that cures my hangovers is fountain Dr Pepper with more ice than DP. If you add a slice of lemon, I will be drinking again in no time.

Whataburger kids meal with a fountain dr pepper is the cure for everything...

we had a lot of calls in the office and people thought that that actually was me in the skit.

Why does it seem that he types like this?

RAPE CULTURE DENIAL TROLLS SHOWING UP IN THE GREY.

Maybe there's a reason his rabbit is so scary...

I'm not normally bothered by my status as a grey, but today my dignity is sufficiently low (I didn't even get dressed today...) to politely ask if I can be elevated to the status of non grey. I don't know if that's possible, but I've put it out there. *sniff*

I had chocolate ice cream.

Last night I had a bottle of wine.

I am middle aged and lame.

Hahahaha you sound just like me. I'll start drinking wine while trying to decide on dinner and then 4 glasses later forgot that dinner was supposed to happen. And then I eat a plate of cheese.

"vaguely traumatic"? The hell, Doug Barry?