HEY, KID, THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS!

GET OUT OF THE STOCK MARKET NOW!!!

They named her Collman.

AOC needs to guest on a Kate McKinnon “Ginsburn” sketch asap.

She should put out an album titled “Axis Bold As Fuck”

omg this is bold af, I love her!

“Don’t y’all have jobs to do?”

These fools are like the bad guys in a kung fu movie, stepping up one by one to get knocked the fuck out.

The bestest

Bella was the Pembrooke Corgi. haha I was so invested in her that I learned her name.

GUH I love whippets!!!! I really want an Italian greyhound, or to adopt an ex-racing greyhound, but my partner says no :(

Mimi - former shelter dog, out and about 

Even this one. 

The only reason Whiskey won is because Puck isn’t eligible. Stupid breedists!

Awww; they’re ALL best boys (and girls)

Lulabelle, my flat-coated retriever (mix; she thinks she’s purebred but we haven’t the heart to tell her otherwise), said that the flat-coat was robbed yet again this year, and is calling for a Congressional investigation into vote rigging at the AKC.

I really liked the Chesapeake bay retriever but he was a bit of a chunky boy.

I was rooting for Bella because she was the only girl in the finals—I think. 

The separate stuffing is the GREATEST. And there's always plenty for other guests, but they're like, "No, no, that's for you!" So you get to take it home (or keep any remainder if you are home), too.

Super secret tip #2: be a vegetarian or tell people you're a vegetarian like a week before thanksgiving. Seriously the best thanksgivings I've ever had have been as a vegetarian, because people will make more mashed potatoes and you'll get a separate dish of stuffing not made in the turkey that will be all yours. No…