Mirror their language? I have a report that if I tell her something that she doesn’t agree with me, she just stares at me with a look that says, “That is the stupidest goddamn thing I have ever heard.” How does that work?

Not too long ago, it wasn’t that unusual for a 44-year-old man to be a grandfather. But then, it’s just grandpa being grandpa.

Either that or he is trying to remember that particular woman, but there were so many.....

Out that asshole. Does the Facebook post still exist?

I feel bad for starring you...but I had to.

“In the meantime, I have responded to 50 other job postings and have gotten nothing but crickets, so I am really hoping you call me back.”

A lot of these guys are a little too young, unless their character is someone who knocked a girl up in high school.

“Good chest hair” is an oxymoron. There, I said it.

On New Year’s Day of 2015, I started a routine that whenever I got a sales receipt that said “you saved $x.xx today”, I put that amount in a jar the minute I got back home. On December 31, I counted it out. It was over $500 and I hadn’t even missed the money. It paid for a fun little trip I took at the beginning of…

I stopped reading after the “no alcohol” part.

Especially the official logo version:

At least New Guy has better posture....and no muffin top...

I always thought he looked like an Albino Grinch.

When I was a child, my artistic hero was stolen by a talentless interloper who ruined his music and caused him to separate from his synergistic collaborators. Oh, wait....

Well, duh, because it’s not covered by insurance most of the time. Everyone actually has to pay 100% of the cost. The free market proves itself once again.

Maybe not for your particular orifice......

How can you write an article about this without talking about coffee enemas?

He has already tied her down at least once before. So he is not going to kill her because he didn’t have a gun? He would have just slashed her throat or strangled her instead.

Because if he didn’t have access to a gun, he would have said, “Oh, well, I guess I will just leave her alone then.”

Totally worth the money, because, you know, there’s really nothing else fun to do in Las Vegas.