Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar.

That was my mom's reaction: "you just don't talk about anyone else's kids. Especially once they're teenagers. Just shut up."

I can only ever hear Hermione saying "What an idiot" anymore.

This is okay, but I liked last year's better. For Black Friday, they still sold Cards Against Humanity, but for $5 more than usual.

Are you saying it's Schrödinger's Poop?

Look, there are plenty of people that I think deserve a pile of shit. However, to be honest, the idea of actually getting the shit myself is a bit of a hassle (sure, it's plentiful, but gathering and transporting it is a pain... plus, there's something to be said for not being the one to drop it off in person). If…

The models look like they're covered in wrapping paper.

There is nothing terrifying about knowing you can become strong and fit after 70. That shit is reassuring as FUCK. I love this post and I love Willie.

This tells me, 'Meh, 35? I can wait another 35 years before I start going to the gym.'

Madison is pretty cute and smart (and clearly a budding thespian) but her unseen parents are awesome...she is clearly getting a whole lot of intellectual stimulation at home. When I see kids who have no books at home, a little part of my heart dies. Let's hear it for parents who read with their kids and give them…

Sure. Here are the things I would tell my younger self if I had the chance:

I really want this study to be bullshit (if age makes people more neurotic, I am fucked), so I'm going to go ahead and use your cranky friends as a reason to hope.

My grandpa was kind of a dick until my grandma passed, and then he realized that he actually needed to interact with the other people in his life. It ended up being a nice change for him, too bad he waited until after his favorite person was already gone.

So untrue. A lot of us change after 30. I'm 72, and I've changed more since turning 30 than I even imagined.

I'll be 32 in a couple of months and to be honest? You couldn't pay me to be 20-something ever again.

I am behind on the times. My word.

Thank you for your service, but you are wrong about coffee ice cream. I'm sure we can agree that bubble gum ice cream is the worst. I mean, what's the point, and it's disgusting.

What? No. Coffee ice cream with booze is one of the finest things. Doesn't seem colada related though. That is confusing me.

On the one hand I get the homage to the Family Guy joke.

Lighten up, ladies!