• Thinking this is exciting

Why would God watch football when his son can't even win the quarterback job for the fucking Titans?

When Bill Bellichick heard the news of this report earlier tonight, he promptly fired the team's equipment manager for failing to do his fucking job right by not under-inflating that 12th goddamned football.

Every year it seems a ridiculous story rushes in to fill the empty air of the two week gap before the Super Bowl, but this one might top them all.

They can be pretty quick in a straight line too (as long as you don't hit the NOS too soon, junior).

Jesse: You know what? This will decimate all, after, you put about fifteen grand in it or more. If we have to, overnight parts from Japan.

Yup.

He's also stunned by "anger, hatred" from "Creditors/Relatives/Anyone else who interacts with me on a daily basis."

I feel like playing football in your racist, God-forsaken city is punishment enough, SLPOA

Somehow, they managed not to end grammar forever.

Good point. A reasonable, and non-confusing, way to teach tour kids that physically harming others is wrong than by physically harming them. Kids really learn from irony that leaves marks about the face and genitalia.

I wish Flight Attendants would fucking chill.

Until then we are all subject to the medical expertise of flying waitresses.

Obama really needs to step up his game. How is it that in the 20th century our president can still not figure out that ebola is not only a cause to be concerned but also a national disgrace?

Umm...I think by definition 11-5 is much better than 0-6.

I don't get it. I watched the only season and movie on Netflix a year or two ago, and it was alright. Not a bad TV show or anything, but I have no clue why it is considered a cult classic.

If you smoke marijuana, Tony Stewart will kill you.

If you're disciplining a one year old, you aren't even fucking trying to parent.