Maybe these old days?

Shoving rocks in my vagina won’t cure my depression??

No one co-opts shit unless you let them.

Do you think the Democratic Party will finally start to appreciate African-American women, who are the base of the party? Or start to realize they don’t need to be the Republican Lite party to win?

This is baseball. Per protocol, he will hit with a pitch on his backside next time they play. 

José Abreu Duped His Wife With A Rubber Ball

My first wife left me for her drug dealer. It was the 1990s. My second wife passed away from cancer in 2001. My first wife, long reformed, swung by a year after second wife had been gone to check on me. It was nice. We had trapeze monkey sex for two days straight. Then we went out for dinner and I remembered why we…

Sugar-in-my-black-coffee guy probably calls tomatoes fruits, says that strawberries aren’t berries but accessory fruits, and has an Android phone.

Black Coffee = hot bean water. Nothing more, nothing less. Fucking hipsters are ruining my coffee now.

People are probably going to ignore this post or shit all over it, but I feel the exact same way, man. I once wrote an entire novel because some girl I had a crush on all through high school moved back to our hometown, but single now, but I was married. The novel was basically just me working out all of my weird…

I don’t understand how people can be friends with an ex. Not because you think they are now a terrible person or because seeing them reminds you how much you fucked things up. No, for me seeing a girl I once liked (and this includes the two girls I dated before my wife & every girl I had a crush on) just makes me…

The problem with buttered popcorn jelly beans is that they taste like buttered popcorn. If I want to taste buttered popcorn, I’ll eat some buttered popcorn. I don’t need it delivered to my maw in jelly bean form.

If you’re friends with an ex, it only means you two aren’t 100% done fucking each other yet.

Dude, Craig. Black coffee has no cream or sugar in it! If you want sugar you gotta say “black with sugar” if they’re dressing it up for you. Black coffee is just coffee in a cup with nothing else.

That said, diner tables that don’t already have little sugars and Sweet n’ Low or whatever on them, as well as napkins and…

There are worse things to be on the news for than “DIPPED CHICKEN FINGER IN COKE.”

Let’s see, respectability politics, groping...I need a pudding pop and “pull your trousers up” to get a Cosby bingo from this funeral. 

I can see her math and will try this. Sweet and savory has a long relationship, and people who initially laugh at this sort of thing almost always get swept into the dustbin of history.

I hate going old man yelling at cloud, but I really am getting a bit tired of all the faux outrage that ends up being targeted at people for truly mundane inoffensive things

Not the first time someone fucked up at the US Open.

That third season of Bloodline was a trainwreck. I mean I wouldn't even recommend the show after that final season and I enjoyed the first 2.