The wife and I bought a Mazda 6 last November and ever since then, a research company has been bugging either her or I to be a part of a Mazda focus group. Unfortunately they only had a female seat at the table available (WTF equality, amirite?) so I sent a list of talking points with her. #1 was an MX-5 hardtop. They…

Either you had this lame image lined up for a Deadspin hockey goalie story or you went through the trouble of creating an Excel file with a clever name, took a screen shot, pasted it to Paint, cropped it, and uploaded it with a lame joke. Which is it?

I lol’d. Good one.

Wrong. You don’t eat pussy. She barely lets you do anything other than missionary and you pull your twizzler dick out through your pajama pants. You, my friend, are quinoa and free range chicken, because that’s what your pussy ass eats.

My friend’s wife didn’t have a middle name before she got married so she kept her last name as her middle name.

Yes.

Pussy.

“My fiancee is strong and independent” is code for “I’m a pussy-whipped lame who’s balls are securely locked in my girl’s purse.” You aren’t fooling anyone. Pussy.