But is he a true Scotsman?

Pronoun police, arrest this nag...

It’s you hairsplitting motherfuckers that got us here in the first place. Next time, try to do something more productive than annoy absolutely everyone.

Won’t someone think of the pronouns?!?

Being uninterested in fucking with the other five things on your list, I’m going to say we have similar aversions and will endeavor to avoid trying Monique.

“One day you’re saving the rainforest...”

She’s only a few days from retiring, too old for this shit, almost got enough for that boat, and building a house.

I’d often wondered what it was my ass was yelling right before I fall asleep.

From the album Faulty Intelligence: Trump On Trump:

Whatever the answer is, it involves lots of pouches.

Ouch.

Love the “I meant to do that!” grin of every college freshman whose entire fashion line ends up reddish-purple after their first time doing laundry.

If Obama hadn’t made fun of him, he’d be happily handing out trophies at a monster truck show right now.

Wow. I would say being willing to watch those films in order is like going from cutting to throwing oneself down stairs to autocannibalism.

Different places have different/almost no rules for judges.

I can’t imagine being in their shoes. But I do know that Suckabee should still be telling people that amazing golfers accidentally break their own noses all the time.

But... what about Otto? Our beautiful, beautiful, forever sleeping, so they let you do it, Otto?

Loved this movie.  Highly recommended.

It’s a good thing I wasn’t around to tell her that squirrels don’t carry rabies.

“The President is one of the country’s most successful hamburger eaters and knows better than anyone how to push them into his face,” White House press secretary Sarah Sanders told the Post. “He wants to make sure all legal Americans have all the hamburgers they need, which is why a guy he knows is selling them on…