“How can you know what’s in this man’s beautiful soul?”

You know things are getting bad for Agent Orange when that lickspittle Chris Wallace calls out Suckabee on Fox Fucking News.  Maybe Wallace’s dad finally spun out of his grave and took a switch to his son’s ass.

Exactly.

She is a mom. Jared kept her eggs warm on his Gucci loafers.

Oh, who am I kidding? He couldn’t pull off “Green Eggs and Ham.”

What the toddler thinks he drew:

“Gonna have to send you home. Don’t expect to get paid this month.”

“SERVICE MY FANHOOD!”

Leave Bernie alone, you big meanie. Unless he runs again.

Like, the drunk driver gets out of his or her car and punches Tomato?  Because I don’t want anyone to get a DUI.  Unless it’s Tomato.

A smoking gun wouldn’t motivate Republicans to impeach or remove him.

This is, conservatively, around four hundred times better than the original.

Yup. I’ve heard many a rabid Trump supporter begin a sentence with, “I don’t really follow the news, but...”

How could you forget Dresden?  What kind of monster are you?

Good job triggering teh libs!  They don’t know where you’re coming from or which bathroom to not make you use.  Get ‘em, Tiger!

If we take into account Chappelle’s three hour-long specials and Davidson being not funny, a well-edited two-hour film of the two of them together should have roughly twenty minutes of funny stuff. I might stream it.

You’re really embracing your rage today.  I like it.

It’s funny because it’s true.

That’s why I said “collectively speaking.” Like many, probably most, people in the Middle East, I don’t bear people elsewhere ill will. My country certainly seems to, though.

The fish rots from the head.  And the only rule now is to kiss the big fish’s rotten ass.