More Yeakels, less yokels.

Garlic. GARLIC. For god’s sake, man.

Ok, it’s Shirley, but don’t call me General Lee.

You’ve earned one Joan:

The FBI will fix that for you.

Fuck the local police. Possession of child porn is a federal offense. She needs to call the local FBI offices. Like, now.

Possession of child porn is a FEDERAL offense. Call the FBI on his ass NOW.

Per my county Sheriff, squatting basically counts as “having residence” and it takes like 30 days plus court, which could extend it another 5 months. My current tenants don’t even have a gosh darn written lease.

I used to know an incredibly funny and clever woman who told one “joke” joke. It was something along the lines of “Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducked.”

Okay but Veronica Mars too.

Please don’t ask me to watch Donnie Darko a million times.

That’s what happened to the previous tenant (the one I went to court against on Wednesday). Apparently abandoning the property, assaulting the new tenant, stealing my tv, and trying to build a drug lab was no big deal for the police. Her lease has more power than an assault charge.

Yesssssss I’ll absolutely be your internet mom, I honestly want to foster older kids so you could help me practice. Don’t tell insensitive jokes though because I’ll start lecturing, my daughter gets so many insensitive joke lectures.

Sadly the police have been to my house about 10 times in the past week for various beatings and now for the theft. The most the police have done was arrest him on Monday, but he’s probably going to be back home tonight.

I just want to send you some giant hugs, and say that you’re a fucking rockstar for doing what you’re doing! You’ve rebuilt your life! I shall toast to you on November 30 <3

Ugh I’m ugly crying, thank you, it’s been a very emotional day.

Thanks but I don’t deserve that. She’s actually my biological daughter, but I allowed my parents to adopt her when she was younger and I was strung out on opiates. Adoptions can’t be undone, so essentially the only way for me to have custody again is to adopt her back from my parents. So, as you see, I am actually…

<3 honey i am so sorry. this all sounds awful and frustrating and fuck.

I’m sorry this happened to your daughter. I’m sure that was scary for her and your hurt on her behalf is apparent. Of course, I don’t know all the details that went down that night, but if you think what the officers did was out of scope of what they’re allowed to do, I would recommend filing a complaint with their…

I did not even notice that until right now! I’m sure one if from the other hand but damn, how weird that I ignored that there were six nails.