I already sent this story to my husband’s shithead friend telling him I have a lady lined up for him

I already sent this story to my husband’s shithead friend telling him I have a lady lined up for him

Parading out his Black Friends made me sooooo uncomfortable.

Well I know she was dating a super hot babe of an artist from Portugal (or somehwere? I’m too lazy too google) and her sister propositioned Prince Harry to take Barbara on a date... but there’s always a hope :)

I can never figure out what is going on with kim’s eye makeup, and I think this photo helps. The liner on her waterline doesn’t make her eyes look bigger like it’s meant to ... it kind of just makes her look squinty?

I was going to ask what Barbara is like but remembered they went to different colleges. I would love to hang with Barbara because she’s the cool twin, Jenna would drive me fucking nuts.

Now you just hold on one second. That’s not true. Kid Rock LOVES Donald Trump!

I think of the up-close shots of her in the SATC movie —- lots of dramatic contrasting lashes and liner to emphasize her blue eyes, i’m guessing, as she does seem to be very partial to it.

I have a feeling that SJP’s eye makeup might look better up close, but from a distance it’s not great. I think she goes with the dark eyeliner to contrast with her blue eyes, which ARE very pretty, but she could go with a gray or different dark liner that wouldn’t seem quite as harsh.

I really don’t get people who say she’s attractive. Is she thin and blonde? yes. Attractive? ehhhhh I guess that’s subjective. She is so fucking boring looking.

I’m so happy for her. Ryan Adams just seems like a very difficult person to put up with in a relationship. I’m sure they were happy some of the time, but he puts out “petulant spoiled man-child” vibes.

She is so gorj. Normally I can’t stand it when people are all “HOW DOES SHE DO IT SHE NEVER AGES BOW DOWN BITCHES”

case in point - I saw a tweet (I looked at her Twitter because I hate myself) where she tells people to “take responsibility” for student loans. She’s the biggest fucking troll, regurgitating what she’s told. Everyone in my family is conservative and even they agree that student loans are fucked up.

Oh god i could really use WAY LESS Jenna Bush and way MORE Barbara. She’s the cool twin - into liberal causes, has a hot artsy bf - and she’s nowhere to be seen. Not cool.

Oh my god are we the same person? Except my mom lied to me about voting for Hillary because she didn’t want me to be mad about her being a conservative WHICH ISN’T A SECRET HELLO.

When Trump told Chris Matthews that “someone should be punished” for abortions — I swear my head was going to explode. but I mentioned this to my mother - who is a conservative, barf - and she had not heard anything of this. Surprise, surprise.

Also possibly Heather Locklear. I saw her in a promo for a new TV show and she says something like “I’m BACK” and I was like “who the fuck are you?”

So I know at least recently she was dating John Mellencamp. How do I know this? Because I moved to Indiana for my husband’s career and it’s all they fucking talk about here.

Yeah no thanks. Meg Ryan’s bland blonde white-ness was boring enough and inflicted enough nausea in the 90s. Let’s leave it there.

*not even Daniel Craig.