It’s alright, we’ve seen this play out before:

Ah. So she didn’t actually go as Jessica Rabbit, but instead as a living personification of the Uncanny Valley. Pretty scary, I must admit.

GODDAMMIT. For half a second you had me thinking it was this guy...

In that way, running for President is to the incredibly wealthy and Republican what running a marathon is to being a childless person in your late twenties: you’re probably not going to win, and you’re pretty sure a Kenyan won the last one.

Yes, dude, she’s one of only two women there. Staring still makes you a jackass.

Listen, I know this is the wrong takeaway from a horrible tragedy of a story, but...

I really hope so. Roe v Wade determined that women who get abortions have a constitutional right to privacy, so there’d be grounds for it.

After this shitstorm turns up precisely zero things wrong, I hope a bunch of PP patients get together and sue the oversized truck nutz off of the state of Texas for violating their constitutional protections.

Abso-fucking-lutely. Some “disgruntled government clerk” will leak those lists, at which point the government of Texas will be all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

fuckin’ PREACH.

Friend of mine works in an old-fashioned newsstand type place. She has many regular customers, but one in particular: guy who owns a large manufacturing business nearby. He comes in every day for the local paper ($2.99), and every day insists on both getting his penny back and the receipt so he can write it off as a…

Everyone loves to double up the first part of “kamikaze”, seems like. Although for my money and taste, That Handsome Devil used it better:

Well, that’s unfortunate. Especially since the second half of her name has always sounded like “simony” in my head, and made me imagine a murder of crows breaking into cathedrals to steal and sell shiny things. She is a letdown to her name.

Actually, given our current fucked-up gun culture, it might bother us less. I wonder if a pregnant woman could claim to be standing her ground...

Nah. If you’re going to rock the Chun-Li, you need to be built for it.

I can’t believe it! That’s... that’s the Pendant of Nature’s Law! Crafted eons ago by the cavern-dwarves of Ur-Xanadu, this mystical pendant-

The coffee-infused jeans also protect the wearer from harmful UV rays.

HA! Asking fashion designers to care about the cultures they appropriate from? You should definitely know better than that, Mr. Ashcraft. Ask any Native American.