Pretty obvious, Black Spy. Can't fool me. Watch your back.

Oh man, the audience participation is the worst. I love RHPS, but I have to watch it on my own or with just a few friends. The yelling-back shit just kills it.

James Franco? You’re kidding, right? He’d be the worst for that role. Eddie Izzard, that’s who you’d want for this.

Huh. So the threat wasn’t precisely that they would shut Prom down, but that the faculty would simply refuse to work it?

Nope, don’t even need to read the article. The headline is perfect on its own.

De Niro told the Daily Beast that Clinton had “earned the right be president, and the head of the country at this point.”

"the patriarch of the Memories Pizza family says that he chooses to be heterosexual..."

Gah. I did foam-sword fighting for a while in college, and this is pretty accurate. What is it about physical activity that brings out the asshole in people?

More importantly, today is Mister Rogers' birthday! Proposals can wait; go outside and do something kind for a friend or neighbor! Take the time to tell someone you love them just the way they are.

Well, you see, if he would've just complied with...

Nope, you're not horrible; pregnancy is a condition to be afraid of. Here's an article on the war between foetus and mother, if you don't feel like sleeping tonight:

The terms "throwing a shadow" or "casting a shadow" are fairly common, though. They're close enough for lame Jeopardy humour.

Seems legit. After all, we're all waiting until after marriage to dabble in forbidden pleasures, right?

And this is your sad music video for the day.

That descriptive line, though! "He was standing about 90 feet away from them with his back against the setting sun."

This makes sense unless you're of European descent, in which case you only have a fairly small chance of being lactose intolerant. That's right; we've been eating dairy for so long that we're evolved for it. WHITE MASTER RACE!!!!

Of course we know exactly who perpetrated such heinous crimes. It was Them. Those terrible people, over There and back Then. It wasn't Us. It could never have been Us, because We don't do such things. By definition! If you find one of Us doing such things, it's obviously Them in disguise. After all, if it was Us, then…

...and now you've gotten a thinkpiece published on Jezebel. Just keep checking off those feminist stereotypes!

A homophobic Baptist preacher named Robertson, eh? Wonder if he's any relation to good ol' Pat.

Can I just do like I always do and crank the volume on the HP Lovecraft Historical Society's Very Scary Solstice carols collection? There're worse places to start.