That is incredibly fucked. I've had many struggles with amphetamine psychosis — a personal favorite is the time I became convinced that the Boston taxi union was applying Whitey-type pressure on the MBTA to keep the T from running at night because the taxi companies were making a whole lot of money picking up drunken…

What? Judging by your avatar you're some kind of solitary tooth? Why would I consider the opinion of a dental reject?

I don't believe you.

Most of my neighbors have put up some very nice lights on their balconies, and between that and the general holiday spirit, I am so enchanted by the holiday lights that I'm not even that mad at them anymore for holding frat parties that inevitable end with people drunkenly tumbling into cars.

I'm on board with what — and correct me if I'm wrong — I've extrapolated from your statement as this in some way being a bunch of calculated celebrity bullshit.

That person up above me is a poop person!

You do know that Buzz is a resurrected A.V. Club troll from back in the day, when 'Clubbers had waves, Giselle shades and cornbraids? Right?

That person down below and also who is above me is a poop person!

Also, none of my drunken humor is ever going to top that shitty pig joke I told, like, four years back, eh?

I will say, they also sure as hell do a good job at stopping errant speeding cars.

Look out! Poop below!

Wanna get your significant other to change their mind about mac and cheese, and also convince them that you are slightly insane and thus distract them from the sodium intake, which in any case is not going to be a health issue unless they severely dump iodized Morton's all over their food like my aunt does, and she's…

Flamingtext.com is still online, and the sort of people who pull skiddie HTML effects on website should really just be using flamingtext.com — it's so much easier!

Indiana Jones went to Tibet. So I think a talent scout could handle it, if we hired Indiana Jones as a talent scout?

It's a relevant thing, even now. High-testing actors being offered — and them accepting — parts portraying non-white folk. Parts written from a culturally blind perspective.

"… and that, my grandchild, is how Trump built the wall."

Hah! My ad worked! A clue already! I knew my cold calling would pay off.

Well, who knows who emailed whom to begin with? That's the rub. This is a very strange ordeal, because Cho and Swinton are from two completely separate but concurrent worlds of 90s media — Cho's never acted in a Jarmusch movie, and Swinton's never done alt comedy standup — but they climbed up the ranks of show biz at…

Ditch the superfluous pronouns and capitalize everything 'cept the articles and you've got something here, kid.

Fuck if I know. I ditched my cover ID and went dark soon as I found out she wore a chastity belt under her catsuit.