Fantasy Player Who Deserves To Die A Slow, Painful Death

Brewers fan here. Happy to be the hand gripping this particular throat—two years in a row!

As a Cubs fan, I’m understandably sad that my boys didn’t make it, but DAMN it’s a great consolation price to see the Brewers really enjoying their time in the playoffs. Those kids are a hoot and a half, and I wish them a great run.

As a Brewers fan, trust me, this is a rivalry. Not because we usually compete for the division (we don’t, we usually suck), but because the Cubs and their fans are insufferable pricks. Joe Maddon is the new Tony LaRussa. You see that pitch he argued about and got tossed? Braun’s PED-enhanced nipples are not in the…

As a gentleman who weighs 224 pounds and has only ever been “not really fat” AT BEST in his life, I say unto you: fuck off, sir. Fuck off good and hard.

As as anyone but Pats fan I support whoever can beat them. Not the Patriots again. God no, not that crew and their insufferable fans. I will not be able to stand their humble brags for the rest of their lives about how the Pats defied and defeated a global conspiracy by Goodell, the NFL and the fourth horseman of the…

Sports Photography is one of my true hobbies, it’s just a shame how expensive it is to get into, and unless you got the right connections you’ll rarely be able to get down onto the field. I lucked out in college, knowing the right people to get the credentials, but now any game I go to I’m in the stands trying to get…

The oil patterns in professional tournaments are exponentially harder than what a person would find at their neighborhood alley for leagues. The general line of thinking is to take a local league bowler’s avg and then subtract 40 pins per game and you would get an approximate pro equivalent (i.e. 220 avg. league…

TYME MACHINE 4 LIFE DAMMIT

You are a white Will Smith

To be fair, Case Keenum drives are usually called “duck, duck, interception.”

My fiance doesn’t play games with me anymore because I’m “too competitive”

The first unhateable Yankee since Mattingly. That’s something.

Wow, that sounds like a really interesting architectural area. I am writing my dissertation on American homes of that era and would love to visit — what neighborhood is this?

Carbon Monoxide poisoning.

Grim? Speak for yourself, pal. There’s something very charming and nostalgic about bowling on TV. Reminds me of being at my grandparents as a kid. I’d be sitting on the couch (“davenport”) wrapped in a blanket (“afghan”), listening to the mellifluous voive of Chris Schenkel, while Grandma fussed over the spaghetti…