I think the most upsetting eating contest is the mayonnaise eating contest.  A pueblo slopper is at least something delicious that you would eat one of under the right conditions, but nobody is going to grab a spoon and just house a jar of mayonnaise under ordinary conditions. 

So presumably this is just a combination of ingredients pureed, piped into a mold, and cooked sous vide in order to sterilize/set it.  So if you’re relying on the mold to give it the final shape, why not choose something more fun?  Cubes would give you six sides to sear and pack just as well as these, while tetrahedra…

I confess “bizzare Dew flavor” is something I would pick up a single can of if I saw in on the shelves at like Target, but not something I would order from a company’s online store.

The fun thing is that the only plausible outcome of Gat Out Of Hell that would result in another Saints Row game ever being made is “remake the universe so everybody gets another chance at life”, so a reboot is in canon with the original series.

So I’m part of the last generation of Americans to go through High School without cell phones, so this “everything is apps” future is kind of alienating to me.  I have thus far survived with never giving my phone my credit card information, so I guess I will continue to live outside of the brave new world of fast food.

So while Dr. Bialik does track in pseudoscience, has bad politics, and has an alarming lack of empathy for someone who is medicine adjacent in their training, unlike Mike Richards she was actually pretty good at hosting the show.

Count Chocula is really the only one of the Monster Cereals that is edible if you’re over 12.

I’m wondering what’s the angle to pay to advertise apple cider vinegar’s dubious uses.  I have no idea what it costs to advertise on a porn site, but I assume it’s not nothing, and I’m not sure this is really going to drive the sales of apple cider vinegar through the roof.  Vinegar seems like one of those things you…

I’m broadly in favor of lab-grown anything when it comes to food.  I see no reason we can’t grow shrimp on the cob.

What sort of crimes do I need to commit to get Paul F. Tompkins to host Jeopardy?

If Red Lobster is involved, so is cross contamination.  Seriously, I can’t even go in the building because the allergens aerosolize from the fried shrimp or something.

Never felt better about being deathly allergic to shellfish than I do right now.

FFS people, learn the difference between “fiction” and “reality” and while fiction does sometimes impact reality (e.g. we all see “Nimrod” as a term of derision for a dimwitted person *because* of a Bugs Bunny cartoon) , realize that the effect is not 1:1.

At this point, it’s like how every chocolate cake recipe involves salt (since a small amount of salt makes things taste more like themselves), but nobody’s going to say “this is my salted chocolate cake”.

Dr. Pepper during college football season is one of my vices.  I wonder how much Dr. Pepper I’m going to need to buy to qualify.  If it’s like a reasonable amount, I’m game.

If only you could grow a new kidney so easily, by inserting kidney beans into the fallow soil of your urethra.

If the restaurant is located above the drive thru lanes (which isn’t a terrible idea), can I still go inside of the restaurant if I prefer to look at a person?  I mean, once we are finally done with the whole plague thing.

There’s absolutely a game jam here unifying the ideas of “left at the altar”, “house burned down”, “mysterious mansion”, “possibly killer grandma”, “fiancé faked his death”, “possible incest with grandma”, “clandestine bush assignations”, etc. where every entry would be more compelling than the actual game here.

Well, somebody’s going to be having a pretty exciting August 18th this year.  Get your pumpkin coffee and hit up the robot sex conference.

The most recent Activision/Blizzard game I own, I think, is DJ Hero 2 for the Xbox 360.  It’s okay if I continue not playing it, right?