Ah I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend your delicate feminine sensibilities!

Beat me to it...

And on that note, girls don't poop.

I'm not on board with the whole "embrace your flaws" thing here, because in my book, cellulite isn't a flaw. Like... a broken nose that heals crooked? Sure. Something that happens to almost every female on earth? Uh?????????

I show up to yoga classes wearing comfy pjs. You're already blowing your money on the classes, why spend more to look stylish as you accidentally fart while pushing back into anther sweaty downward dog?

Not everything to come out of the 90s was terrible, but early 90s non-grunge fashion was the lowest point for clothing in the 20th century. The ugly sweaters weren't ugly, they were embarrassing. The crimped hair wasn't crimped, it was destroyed.

There's definitely room under that dress for a mankini.

NINE POUNDS D:

Protecting my little brothers and I from another creepy child:

Obama as president: meh I'm not a huge fan

I always felt so guilty that I never could drift off to sleep with my partner in bed with me, and one even took it kind of personally and sometimes asked me if something he did or said was making me too unhappy to fall asleep with him. Like nope, you may have romantic notions of feeling safe in each other's arms, but…

"nothing normal about her"

I'm taller than her, and it definitely rubbed me the wrong way to suggest that my even greater deviation from the average wasn't normal...

Ah I really want it on my phone, but I'd have to figure out how to jailbreak it first/coerce my tech whiz brother to do it for me...

If you must stare at your computer screen past your bedtime, at least put f.lux on it!

I was gonna go to the store and buy more toilet paper, instead I think I'll print like 500 copies of that WaPo article.

The Anne Frank House scene was still very awkward in text. Though I'm not sure how it's not awkward when white people pat themselves on the back for repeatedly using a victim of of genocide to spruce up their extended metaphors.

I'm starting a band called Teen Slut Panic.

Had a good friend in high school who was hyperthyroid and couldn't gain a lot of weight. She was always eating a TON and then people spread rumors that she was bulimic and therefore "messed up" because wow there's no way possible for someone so thin to eat lots of food! I hate people.

I had a very similar thing happen. First semester: swine flu led to pneumonia led to horrible bronchitis for months. Was coughing so bad that I couldn't stay asleep long enough, and my throat was so raw from hacking that it was bleeding and making me cough blood. Eating and drinking hurt, too. The stress and lack…