Love it. #hotfashiontips

Because sushi is better than wearing high heels.

But must they be worn on the feet? Wear them around your neck, like the burden they are.

I’m 5’2” and I refuse to wear heels. I come from a long line of women with foot and knee problems, rheumatoid arthritis in those particular joints, and multiple sclerosis. Although right now my choice to wear flats is stylish, my grandmother and mother cannot physically wear heels. I would probably punch someone who…

Its hard for me to watch American Idol because there’s a waterbug on my channel changer.

“She is tolerable, I suppose, but not handsome enough to tempt me.” = TOTAL REGENCY NEG

I had a woman request a new glass of ice water, because, and I can’t make this up, “her ice water was watered down.”

you’re right, the takeaway should definitely be to leave an internet comment dismissing the imperfect and incidental value of capital transfer to the people in need of capital without proposing anything in its place. there’s value in being realistic and there’s no reason that tipping more (if you do this shit, which i…

“Doctor” Ablow is the worst garbage human pretending to be a doctor on this green earth, and this universe also contains a “doctor” Oz, so that’s really saying something. I’m incapable of directly wishing harm on anyone, but if he were to accidentally fall into an active volcano I wouldn’t exactly be clawing the…

I’m not going to win one until they feature the category “the time you ate so much candy so fast that you didn’t know where it went and got mad at your roommate”.

This was during the “pack your shit and get THE FUCK OUT OF HERE” part, but he was threatening to kill himself.

Aw, shucks...I triglyceride.

This had me cringing in delight so hard my face hurts.

You adipose stories like this more often.

It’s the feel-Blart movie of the year.

Yeah, because people who want to see Paul Blart are going to read these reviews and be like, whaaaaaa? Not as good as the book?

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 has a subplot constructed around the pick-up artist concept of “negging.”

This is one of best looking example of the uber pointy nail trend I've seen, but man I can't wait for it to pass. To me, it's an aesthetic that is hopelessly dated and juvenile (neither in a good way) that makes people look either like extras in Designing Women or tween goth wannabees.

Tig Notaro wordlessly pushing a chair around a stage for five minutes is funnier than anyone else doing anything.