Oh shit...I had mashed potatoes!

Fuck you Kinja/Denton

This is unfair to your mother because the laws of angles prevent her from rubbing her genitalia in the mashed potatoes. Instead, she must go through the laborious process of scooping out mashed taters into her vag(ina) and then depositing them back in the bowl, introducing the possibility of mashed-taters-transmitted…

I was in the kitchen with my grandpa and all the food was on the tables and counter. Anyway, he put his penis in the mash potatoes and wiggled it all around.

It's really complicated for me. I was born there, spend the 13 first years of my life there, then left, and I still spend all my summers there.

Because Jesus was the original PUA (picking up people TO HEAVEN) and if he actually had a wife and settled down, it would mean he lost his swag. Or something like that.

I can understand that. "Indian style" is problematic. But "criss-cross-applesauce" is so disgustingly twee that it makes me want to set my teeth on fire.

When I was a model in Paris, France, in the 1930s, Marc Jacobs was constantly pawing me.

No. I will not shut up. There's a difference between writing a good headline and the "Most amazing story you'll see all day!" garbage HuffPo (and Gawker sometimes) is known for. That is the fucking worst.

So is "otter" or "rampage" the search term you have an alert for?

That dog has crazy eyes.

We had a good laugh at the Russians when we saw this. Not so weird now, is it?

Tom, I'm afraid you've been hoodwinked: this is viral marketing for Bud Light Lime Straw-Ber-Rita.

I was riveted until I read the author is married to the coach of the runner accused of doing something wrong. Really?

I'm a rocket cat.

Food does not need to double down as functional. As a former sous chef this is the kind of crap that I hate. I bet the "cookie" taste like fucking shit because it is too busy being a fucking cup instead of a cookie.....#cookingpetpeeves

As a long term reader of Jezebel, a below the liner, and a member of the technical crew of Midnight Rider, fuck you and your headline.

+1 for straight talk.

Is "swipe" bro talk for fucking? If it is, you're a weird mother fucker.