A Dog’s Life in the British Dental Association

Farmers are the textbook example of “screw everybody else but keep my handouts coming!” Republicans.

Although I realize there are exceptions, when it comes to the vast majority of farmers, I feel confident that I can express this statement unequivocally and without any hesitation:

Worst Bob Ross episode ever.  

Hold on! This murder was carried out with a gun, so based on every Fox News host since the very first mass shooting, this is clearly not a time to politicize deaths. We must offer thoughts and prayers to the gun and pledge allegiance to the NRA, one nation under guns, shooty shooty bang bang for all.

Only if the toilet stops working

In Jacques Cousteau accent: His end came quickly.

but then i would have a montero and not a land cruiser...

Isn’t this the same decrepit fucker who falls asleep at cabinet meetings and has to use his tie to wipe away the drool from his face?

Guarantee he tweets something non-holiday greeting on Christmas Eve/Day

2017 was the head on car crash; 2018 is the triage in the ER.

Mother forgot to unbutton it when she put the Elf on the Shelf. Now we are all looking at him so he can’t move.

It’s just a little place...

Schumer is thisclose to winking. Someone on Twitter said it was like when Jim Halpert looked at the camera on The Office.

The best take I’ve read is that Schumer, being familiar with NYC subways, is adopting the familiar posture you adopt when a crazy person accosts you on the subway.  Hunch your shoulders, smile vaguely, don’t make eye contact. 

I'll say!

Starred for the username + sentiment combo

I want trump to die more than anything.

Oi! No bringing down Tahani by association.