I taught my daughter how to swear with panache at a relatively young age. That way, the novelty wears off. I don’t care if she swears, but it is unbecoming in certain situations.

I taught my son the “Carlin” method. There is no such thing as a bad word. Bad words do not exist. It’s all about context and how/when you say it. Saying the F word isn’t bad. saying “F you” is. I taught him this around 7-8 years old. My wife and I swear a lot and I wanted to make sure he knew what the words are and…

is it possible to agree with everything you said but also think she should have handled it privately? there’s too much nuance here and now they’re both going to be dealing with people attacking them for no productive reason.

God’s an asshole by your description. Seriously fuck this ridiculous ideology that suggests it’s possible to have an interventionist God who punishes people who are “collectively” guilty (even if individually many are crushed by the same system they are supposedly to blame for), yet exonerates him of the role and…

I feel like a bit of a dill. Bean trying to think of something but I’m not grape at this.

I think you’re confusing the words ‘hero’ and ‘hobo.’

I’m not seeing mushroom in that thing, but I’m sure a buyer will turnip.

If you have any vegetable jokes, lettuce know.

But the way Leon answers the phone, it doesn’t sound offensive. That’s just Leon being Leon.

“Larry David’s office, who the fuck is this?”

Jared’s a little busy this week answering awkward questions about the use of private e-mail servers

He’s still mad at Jared for voting as a woman. No new job titles for Jared for a few days.

Never in my life have I felt so much visceral anger towards someone I’ve never met.

Everytime I read those tweets it sounds worse, the guy is such a heartless moron.

It’s funny now, but in several days we’ll find out it was a diversion while three other racoons were stealing shotguns and ammunition from the back of the van.

Everyone knows you’re gonna get hop-ons.

Don’t forget that Colorado Springs is also lousy with evangelicals, and there’s also no recreational marijuana. I try to avoid Colorado Springs whenever possible.

Jaws is mildly scary, but its scare factor is magnified the first time you head into water after watching it