It’s much better if you unwind the paperclip and wrap a condom around the sharp end. You fill the condom with chili oil and blindly stab the paperclip into your ear as deep as you can get it. Once the condom full of chili oil ruptures, proceed to stab the paperclip into your ear 4-5 more times to make certain there’s…

Counter Point - Qtips work great and nothing feels better than scratching that itch on your ear drum.

what was the article about? Does anyone have a copy of it?

Jalopnik EIC Patrick George was asking for feedback:

Matt Nagy’s answers and body language in this video indicate he’s not happy about something. 

I was thinking this the whole time he was talking. Take a couple quick shots, maybe sideline routes? You’re not going for the TD, you’re going for a few positive yards to set up the chip shot. It is true that Trubisky sucks, but an incomplete doesn’t get you into clock trouble.

No football team has ever gained yardage on a running play when the other team knew they were running. Nagy was billed as some sort of fucking offensive genius and he can’t call a play in that situation to get them a few more yards?

I don’t even have to see the autoplay videos because I’ve fixed my browser. But I just locked my work computer and a notification is on the screensaver about the thing playing, with an option to pause.

Deadspin’s bosses, turn this ridiculous shit off, it’s not making you money and it’s pissing off all your readers…

They know you’re running the football, so you lose three, four yards, so that wasn’t even in our process as coaches to think about that.

Fantasy Player Who Deserves To Die A Slow, Painful Death

I’m willing to forgive him because I imagine he was utterly stunned that it was a completion. The instant Rodgers threw it I was convinced he was throwing it away to avoid a sack, and even when Williams dove for it I assumed he landed well out of bounds. I suspect I was just one of many on both counts.

“The wind probably helped out a little bit on that one.”- Chris Berman, on his ability to clear out the studio after perusing the Craft service table.

You mean, kind of like how he does in the very first fucking sentence of the second paragraph? Maybe read the article before being an obnoxious ass.

I know they haven’t played anyone good except the Bills, but it’s still worth noting the Pats are on pace to absolutely shatter their own NFL record for point differential in a season (+315 in 2007, currently at +175 and on pace for +400).

It made more sense at the time. The wrap on Rodgers was that he was a system qb coming out of Cal. There certainly had been Cal qbs who went to the NFL and were disappointing. Rodgers also had time to develop. He rode the bench behind Favre for two years and I think that helped. Heck, it might have even made him…

“A perfect 158.3 passer rating with a hallucinatory stat line: 25-for-31 passing for 429 yards, five passing touchdowns, and a rushing score to boot.”

He hardly ever throws interceptions and when he does it’s usually balls tipped by the intended receiver. A career 4 TDs to INT ratio is pretty unbelievable. He’s the 8th QB to make it to 350 TDs.

I switched to the Nats-Cardinal after Geronimo Allison got knocked out in the third quarter. That was... scary. And ESPN showed the replay in slow motion from three fucking angles before cutting to a commercial. 

People who type in all caps.

On the bright side, Europeans speaking in German but pausing to say, “Vat the fahk?” in English indicates that America’s role as a global leader is not so tarnished that it can no longer inspire other nations to aspire to this Shining City on a Fuckin’ Hill.