Apparently the gratitude was one sided. That could honestly be a headline from The Onion.

What. Oh my god.

It’s legitimately the thrift shop version of “Thrift Shop.” The word “loathsome”comes to mind...

I never had the burning desire to drown two people in a pool at the same time until this commercial. I will gladly accept that challenge. The worst that could happen is that I would drown and not have to see either one of them ever again.

I thought it was wasabi, so you’re definitely ahead of me.

Haha!! “Why does everyone hate me??” The best part is that the victim probably has a better grasp of the English language than Muggy McMurica.

I honestly thought maybe the Uptown one.

I’ll take one McChicken and here’s a $100 bill.

I wonder how long it’ll be before they change the uniforms.

I love that in her mugshot, she looks like she was crying. Bitch, you don’t get to cry when you smash someone in the face with glassware. Fuck you.

I was that neighbor last night. Sorry, neighbors, but my Zinfandel wasn’t going to fill itself with tears.

Oh my god. She drove me batty! She was an insipid, insufferable character and I was really happy when she got killed. That’s a messed up sentence. Whatever, I’ll take it.

It would’ve been in his best interest to clam up about this.

If the threat of mangling one of my hands doesn’t exist, I’m not interested. I prefer a more authentic experience.

This morning I was getting in to the shower and happened to look in the mirror. For the first time in my life, I thought that perhaps it was too big. At which point I mentally smacked myself for succumbing for even a moment to the thought that my lady parts aren’t perfect just the way they are. If I’m 34 and having a…

Watching him freak every time he answered incorrectly was the highlight of my evening. The spastic clapping was pretty good too. I can’t help but feel like he might have some anger management issues.

Agreed. In combination, those two are insufferable. Future went on some radio show talking about how he didn’t want his child around Russell Wilson and I completely understand. Ciara then flipped out about it on another radio show. I’m team Future on this one. I wouldn’t want my child around some hyper-Christian…

When I was in 3rd grade, my mom told me I could safely fart in class by leaning to the side. Unfortunately, those plastic chairs are unforgiving and she was wrong.

I think my stomach heaved just thinking about it.

Maybe they were bored? Although, that schedule isn’t going to write itself. :)