It’d be cool if you read my first sentence.

Not calling out Sam Bee here, but wanted to get something off my chest: I’m always a little disgruntled when “thoughts and prayers” get mocked and derided in the wake of a shooting. My church (hippie dippie New England Episcopalians) formed a Gun Reform Legislation Committee after Newtown—we have teams of callers who…

I don’t know, more than one? I’m not trying to erase or reframe who the victims of this tragedy were—I’m just giving my two cents of political analysis RE: moving forward. Unfortunately, whiteness is what separates gay rights from #BLM for many people.

It sounds like Tig Notaro and Amy Schumer don’t really talk or know each other at all, more like.

There are more important places to direct my outrage today than at 2013 Amy Schumer. Shitty thing to say, probably came from a pretty good place. Tig’s reaction to it was flawless, measured, spontaneous, honest. They’re obviously not friends but they’re two cool ladies who don’t work together anymore so let’s just…

OHMYGOD

Yes, but no. The most visible coalition of LGBT America is cis, white, educated, fairly heteronormative gay men. That’s been a longtime criticism of the movement for equality but it’s also a trump card—our white moms now know their nice gay sons are being gunned down in clubs. Due to the realities of privilege in…

This headline would be perfect if it included “exploitation of America’s gun laws.” I actually think it’s a problem that you’ve missed that.

I’m a little white gay boy and when I sing “Formation” in the car, I use a different voice than when I’m singing Shania Twain or Stevie Nicks in the car. It’s blacker, and it’s deliberate. And it’s ridiculous. I’m not about to do it in public. My natural voice does not just spring forth from my body with Beyonce’s…

Amy Shumer unleashed a hostile takeover of this “brand” and is doing just fine with it.

Chelsea Handler held down a successful late night talk show for seven seasons. Before you say “that was on E!” remember that Jon Stewart properties air on Comedy Central while Conan and Sam Bee are now on TBS. We just don’t like Chelsea Handler.

Laura Ingraham is like Ann Coulter removed of her wit and bizarre WASPy charm. I always find something entertaining about Coulter’s commitment to that singular, outrageous drag act she takes on the road and find her truly clever and interesting to watch. Ingraham, on the other hand, is a day late and an Adam’s apple…

GODDAMN I am here for this.

On the other hand, you have a margin of black feminists on Twitter making broad claims that Bernie was a candidate for their community. Nevermind the overwhelming support Hillary has received from black men and women in America versus Bernie. Her biggest blowouts have come thanks to a large coalition of Black voters.

I feel like the inevitable result of a banned substance list is the pursuit of substances that are effective but fall outside the list. I actually think there’s something classy about seeking physical/medical advantages while following those guidelines to the best of your ability. It sounds like that’s what Sharapova…

Roy’s friend sucks. If she scurried off with her place card, the only acceptable comment for Page Six is “Rachel Roy was never at the CFDA Awards. You are mistaken. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Over Zika concerns” or “over Zika fears” is such a dumb tabloidy way to write this. More like “over CDC advisory.” You wouldn’t say “Pregnant woman gives up horseback riding over trauma concerns.” I assume that when you’re pregnant you just do what’s safe and makes sense without greatly overthinking it.

For American audiences, it’s actually a good barometer to figure out what’s exciting from the festival.

People are making it sound like she’s torpedoing her career for the sake of motherhood. When you’re at her level of success in a creative profession, big opportunity, acclaim, and paychecks are behind doors number 1, 2, and 3.

Every year people have the same stunned overreaction to booing at Cannes. Can we put that on a post-it in our calendars for next year? “There will be booing, it doesn’t mean anything.”