It doesn’t do a whole bunch for me either but who knows why people like what they like. Nobody chooses their kinks.

That what you’re really saying is that it happens in the 99% of porn YOU watch or have seen, given that you dislike porn so much I’m assuming a lot of it is incidental viewing.

I fear you may be telling on yourself here. That, or you’re just not looking hard enough for the good foot-spooge videos. 

Not that I want to be too involved with this very enlightening discussion of what dudes like in porn between dudes on Jezebel but it doesn’t happen in every scene no matter how often you capitalize the word every and I think an alternative answer to why it happens is that it’s a way of producing visual evidence of the…

I understand...three of those words. 

Finally, an explanation for why professional football players are such great boyfriends. 

Wasn’t Celine Dion’s marriage like super creepy where she met him when he was 40 and she was 11 and he was her manager while she was a kid? 

Yes that too. My bad on the oversight but sometimes I forget that other people are capable of forging functional relationships.

Yeah, more or less. They probably love the fact that they’re “driving conversation” and getting so many social media impressions and the actual discussion is secondary there. There’s also probably the hope that enough guys will be like “Oh yeah, they’re the anti-bullying/sexism/whatever company so I’ll pay 25 cents…

I feel like you’re tremendously underselling drugs here. 

Pimp has Patter: News at 11

A play about Trump? Talk about King Leer, amirite?

Just for the record if the Oscars ask me to host, I’m also very sorry for all of the offensive stuff people discover I’ve been doing and saying for years.

I’m torn between being bummed out that someone like Nicki Minaj is with such a complete loser and being a little encouraged that if they break up I may have a shot. 

Next thing you’ll be telling me that bigfoot erotica hasn’t lured out a community of horny bigfoots. 

I learned everything I know about the world from AVN news. 

I haven’t been this disappointed since I discovered that interracial porn hasn’t yet healed our racial divisions.

You know, I’m sort of starting to believe that the girl-girl porn world isn’t the feminist forward utopia I’d always assumed.

Yeah, the idea that women can make men do anything is really kind of ridiculous and outdated. I mean, lots of women have tried to convince me to stop drinking and I’ve managed to heroically overcome each and every attempt. 

I literally asked why you can’t brag about a system that doesn’t have an elected head of state and you keep talking about the American system which does have an elected head of state.