Goddamn, that was fantastic.

Come sit by me. <3

without resorting to gendered slurs

You know, I really wish I could BeBest, but since families are being torn apart at the border while Ms. Complicit gets to hug her children without fearing for their lives, I just can’t.

starred for poutrage.

The pearl-clutching that crawls out when the alt-right seeks a tit-for-tat takedown is hilarious and sad. Their is no actual belief behind their poutrage, it is just for show.

Not only handsomer in person than in pictures, Eric is tall, even taller than his father.

They should make these with a bendy section and also sell them with something to clean the inside because I wouldn’t trust a dishwasher to wash the inside of a straw.

The millennial equivalent to sneaking snacks into the cart is trying to sneak in some in-game purchases via the credit card conveniently saved in the <insert app store> account. Ask me how I know.

Dan and Jackie were ALWAYS the best characters on the show

It’s being used as a segue into the “footing the bill” portion of the pun. Keep up commenter! Keep up!

If IHOP wants to prove they have a sole, they might consider footing the bill for a lifetime supply of pancakes for this kid.

I’m sure that some evil grocery exec will come up with a plan to insert unskippable ads/coupons into the self-checking process. “You’ve rung up ten (10) items. Relax for a moment with this Snickers advertisement. You can skip it in 15 seconds, or by ringing up a Snickers bar with your purchase for only 89 cents!”

Thank you so much for filling in details!

I have an very annoying essential tremor and sometimes plastic utensils and cups make all the difference between hunger/thirst and a missing front tooth. Seriously.

Hahahaha. Jeepers. You’re terrible. Truly terrible. I really mean it.

Having worked both front and back I would say within reason they are fine and obviously the kitchen always has the option of saying no.

If you’re at a bar nursing water but hanging out with people and having a good time, help pay for the venue - consider leaving a tip.

Can we get a new series, Ask the Rude Negro? Dropping that word count really saves me some time in the mornings.