Hey, it was the 90s. Babydoll dresses were in fashion, too.

Madonna ain’t shit, and Pac knew that. She’s the Proto-Becky.

I am guessing this is the reason he gave her, not the real reason...which was...those eyebrows.

My daily Xanax combined with antihistamines and decongestants mean I generally have a stick of Trident keeping me from being parched.

I take psychiatric meds. I’m betting Britney does too, if judging by her past exploits. The meds make my mouth unbearably dry—I can’t even swallow because there’s no saliva in my mouth. Idk, maybe she’s chewing gum to keep her mouth moist?

When people smile with chewed up gum in their mouth it is all I can see. It takes a nice photo and makes it gross. She might as well have a spider crawling out of her maw.

Which makes “Sir” a hilarious name to give your kid, since he will deal with random strangers shouting it and only meaning him a very small percentage of the time. At least Prince or King or Saint are dignified. Sir is what they yell at you if you forget your umbrella.

Somewhat related, I have been singing Valley Girl to my little pup because I took her to get her nails clipped. Just the line, “A pair of jeans to fit her butt and a place to get her toenails cut” My husband doesn’t know Frank Zappa so he thinks I am just singing this to her and he is kind of into it.

It gets less overheated about 50 percent of the way through. But it’s nasty as HELL before that. I’ve read everything Krantz did. (Don’t question me.) This was her “thing”. Incest, pedophilia, you name it. She went IN. Pure pornographic trash. But that was just to keep you awake, then she laid on the plots.

I was not aware. I add oil to the water when cooking pasta, maybe even some oregano for some reason, but it never occurred to me to add oil and/or spices to it at the end. I mean, yeah, sprinkle some parmesan cheese on top before serving but herbs, oil, and spices? What? This shit is, like, eye opening.

Dealer: “Mr. Trump, the action is on you.”

Oh we are.

He called me to stop a National Enquirer article. I said no!

Don’t be silly, apple would never forget to price gouge...

Suge freaking Knight!

I HATE it when people try to honk you into the intersection. I’m not going out there until it’s 100% certain I’m making that light.

About 10 years afo i worked in the 1-hour photo department at Walgreens. We used to make fake magazine covers for people all the time. We had a bunch of different ones to chose from. The only people who ever wanted them were parents of small children. This is hilarious😂

It’s gotta be this kid:

Late lunch is the only answer. If you leave for lunch at 1 or 2, then you have less of the day to come back to. HOW DOES EVERYONE NOT KNOW THIS?

As a late luncher, it’s not about being too busy, it’s about hating other people.