*taps Pol Pot bobble head doll*

You’re trying to take care of your mum. That’s an admirable thing. Face it: You’re a good guy.

This is a legit question: Why would a divorce make the family happy? Was Sarah Ferguson that big of an embarrassment?

But why is he looking at his own crotch the same way?

Goddammit. Take your star and we will speak no more of this.

So, um... busy later?

I’m sorry your husband was a rat bastard.

You are my new favourite, Molly Girl.

Fair enough. You’d be facing an awfully long line of people with their hand out and the word, ‘Fuckface’ on their lips.

pleaseputyourphoneonrecordpleaseputyourphoneonrecordpleaseputyourphoneonrecordpleaseputyourphoneonrecord

Does this offer apply to anyone? I’m Canadian; ten bucks US is practically my mortgage.

I wish it had

I lived in Cambodia, does that count?

I wish you would...

Not I. Dammit.

Hi, Calgary. Strathmore here. Your pain is my pain, kitkat.

Waaaaaaaait a minute... You mean to say you don’t think this is a match of true love? I am shocked. Shocked, I tell you.

Like why does my sister in law have a shower curtain with random French words written in cursive?

My family still hasn’t forgiven me for getting them to watch ‘The Thing.’ “You said it wasn’t gory!” It’s... not?

That’s how I feel about Ashton Kutcher! Always have. Which is problematic, since I adore Mila Kunis and their relationship makes me feel like there’s something potentially wrong with her.