Oh, Lala. How I miss you.

Nailed it.

Right?! IIRC, Tina Fey wrote that she stole it from her daughter, after her daughter said it about a bowl of popcorn. Her daughter and I have much in common.

Maybe I’ll just fast forward through everything 

I’ll use hummus on my sandwich like other people use mayo

I want to go to there.

My kid treats salt like it is the only thing keeping him alive. I can’t even share a bowl of popcorn with him; it’s like running your tongue over one of those blue salt-licks we put out for the horses. He is not to be trusted seasoning anything while cooking. There’s a certain pork chop incident we still talk about in…

Make it Tuesday; it sounds better. Alliteration and all that.

“By the way,” is right up there with, “Actually,” as one of my least favourite things to hear. To me, either one generally means, “Prepare yourself; for what you’re about to hear next is a big, fat, lie.”

As a Canadian, I approve this correction.

Oh, Carrie was absolutely a shitty person. That was the first show I remember watching and saying, “There is nobody likeable on this program.” And it was on after OZ, for chrissakes.

This saddens me

Cheese and rice, I want to hug eighth-grade her so bad.

At first, I was thinking, “Pick up that child! Clearly she’s upset!”

I’ll take it

Ugh. I read something a self-proclaimed ‘fattie’ (personally, I loathe the term) wrote the other day about the amount of time it takes her to get ready to leave the house, even for the most basic errand, because she feels if she doesn’t look ‘perfect,’ out in public, at all times, people will judge her as being ‘fat…

Dammit.

Ask your dad where my car keys are. Oh, and if I’ll ever make it out of this Podunk town and be somebody out there in this big, crazy world.

And no, she does not deign to identify her by name.

So much surgery.