I have, lemme see... red and blue ones (those are good) black and orange ones, solid orange capsules, orange tablets, big white ones (my favourite; they make me sleepy and less likely to slap someone) small white ones, aaaaand... different small white ones; it’s ok, I can tell them apart. Water?

Oh, that gif is my new everything. It just bought me one more day on this wretched fucking earth.

I hope he gets hit by a truck. That’s some catharsis right there.

I’ll bring snacks. And my dog. He’s swell.

Jesus Christ on a Saturday night. I want to punch them both in the face. I hope they totally Sid and Nancy’d out.

Jesus. No.

Awww, man. You’re a gem.

Hello, New Best Friend.

Along the lines of the melted cheese on a plate, I like to put sauerkraut in a bowl, grate some sharp cheddar on top and microwave it until the cheese is melty, then mix it all together with a fork and eat before the cheese lumps up. It makes my mouth feel alive.

Up here in Calgary, you can’t throw a horseshoe without hitting a pancake breakfast for the duration of the Stampede. It’s glorious. If you’re really lucky, you get to one that serves sausages as well as pancakes and coffee. Then you fold your pancake like a taco with the sausage inside, pour maple syrup over the link…

I come by it honestly. I was raped overseas, and when I called my dad, the first thing he said was, “I just want five minutes alone with him, Deb.” The Bravo family likes a good fight.

Niiiiiiiice.

Can we remove the look from his face? That’d help, too.

SNOWING IN PODUNK, ALBERTA.

ME TOO

The only reason I would start dating anyone who attacked any of my friends would be to position myself for a long con that ended with his mysterious (and asssumably painful) disappearance.

Can he even help it?

The same way some extremely white people from my province of Alberta think they’re living in the Deep South. Get that battle flag off your truck, Cletus. You look like an idiot.

What? Like its hard?