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(ahem*)

It’s like her boobs are a Rubik’s cube. Does that make sense? Like she knew they didn’t belong on her back, and she’s trying to get them on her front. She’s almost got it, guys. It’s hard. Don’t laugh.

No one has armpits that look like that.

Normally the fact that everything gets photoshopped is just a lingering afterthought when I look at celebrity pictures, as in I know but am perhaps not cognitively aware of it all the time, but here, it is all I can think about. No one has armpits that look like that. There are so many shadows and details that are…

In that picture it looks like it’s sliding off to the right, while the rest of her body twists left...

Boob Thunderdome. Two boobs enter, one boob leaves. Poor righty was the weaker mammary.

As long as you’re able to go around all night with your left hand holding your head and your right breast tucked under your arm, it’s very pretty.

Carrie looked like she was being devoured by a vagina. There, I said it.

I don’t KNOW but it looks like it hurts.

What in God’s name is happening with Anna Kendrick’s bosom there?

10/10 Pharrell rolled his eyes at the Jenna Bush-Hager apology, wrote the tweet, and rolled his eyes again.

A veteran criminal gang with 3 women and a 72 year old master counterfeiter? Can we get a show about them? They sound infinitely more interesting than the Kardashians.

Karreuche looks like shit and I am offended by her dress. Her stylist needs to be fired. It looks like a prom dress from Deb and she is drowning in that ruching. Ugh! WHY!

Thank god. We need frivolity for a brief while.

Why the eff is Karreuche Tran anywhere near a red carpet (also her dress is ugly and should have been hemmed). If Lena Dunham is there, please don’t report on her.

I’m not one to normally armchair diagnose, but I’d be stunned if Trump didn’t have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. No, seriously, the man is a walking example of it.

good lord

“I don’t play golf and I don’t have a mistress.”