I’ve made up more ridiculous stories to avoid your mom too. One drunken night and she thinks it’s a relationship. Sheesh.

His coach (who was also not there to witness anything) initially denied it too. I know Lochte’s an idiot, but geez, would it have killed people in official positions to say “wow, we don’t know anything yet, we’ll make a statement when we can”? Dumbasses.

LOL, I’ll be honest on personalities alone, before the games I thought if any big Oympian’s going to get robbed or beat-up by gangs, it would be Lochte.

They are usually responsible for robbery at the Olympics, so just assumed it wasn’t true

*Cocks Gun*

Right? Choosing whether FIFA or the IOC is more corrupt is like choosing whether you want to sit in someone else's vomit or shit. The subtle differences are really not enough to tip the scales either way.

I believe that the IOC and FIFA are generally neck-and-neck in that race.

Statement via Katrina Pierson: “It’s absolutely Obama’s fault that Mr. Lochte was held up at the 2013 Summer Olympics.”

Oh jeah +1

Because as ridiculous as the NFL is, the IOC is the most corrupt sports organization in the world. They make the NFL look like the Boy Scouts.

How the hell would Lochte even know he was held up. That boy’s about as sharp as a sack of wet mice

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears...in...rain. Time to die.”

Perhaps the fact that he responded to everything with a sad, haunted “jeah” should have been enough proof that it happened.

IOC spokesman (pictured); ‘ didn’t happen, everything’s fine.’

I am glad our Labradoodle is ok

I've made up more ridiculous stories to avoid my mom, tbh.

Pictured: Lochte disarming the perpetrator.

Thank goodness he's ok - it would have been really ugly if he dyed.

“Maybe it’s that Tom Brady is so FUCKING CLASSY and such a FUCKING GENTLEMAN...”

Ben looks like he’s been in the sun a little too long and sounds like he’s had a little too much to drink. He's the worst kind of fan right here, a drunk homer in an echo chamber.